When you send a dick pic and she sends one back I'm glad mine is the biggest, so I get to fuck my dad again
Who reads the fastest?
The pilot of the plane who hit one of the twin towers. He took out 83 stories in one go.
My uncle got sued from NASA the other day. He claimed to be the first one to enter Uranus.
I guess this is pretty plane.
I am sorry I am just winging it.
Wow, I guess these jokes haven't taken off.
Wow, I just landed that one!
I know people don’t really like cat puns, but mine are PURRety good.
Did you CATch that one? No? Because you are in a bad mood? You should WISKER those feelings away. We should PAWnder ways to fix your mood. Just remember to keep CLAWing at the problem. I am glad I can help MEW.
Once I had a cat. The cat liked human beverages.
One day I decided to throw a party. The cat went over to get some soda. There was a line. I told him that he needed to wait in line. The line was too long for the cat. Then he walked to the punch bowl. He saw that there was no punch line. Very much like this joke.
What's the difference between a cow and a pig?
One is a pig.
I've got 99 problems and one of them is that I count my problems instead of solving them.
A man was kneeling on the church floor, crying desperately in front of the large wooden statue of Christ.
"My headphones are broken, Lord... I'm desperate... What should I do? Guide me!"
And the Lord appeared in the form of bright light, and the strong, deep voice filled the man's soul.
"WELL BUY NEW ONES, YOU DUMBASS!"
And so he did.
Three good friends decided to meet in their favorite caffe.
The meetup was a successful one, because they all enjoyed themselves.
Why did 1 eat 2?
'Cause he was hungry.
The greatest bond you will ever have is the one with your conjoined twin.
When the teacher calls on you and asks you how many people did Hitler kill?
"One, he killed himself."
When your little brother hears noise from your room and you're the only one in it.
I asked a man for ten dollars for a cup of coffee. The man said coffee was only a quarter. I told him I was putting all my begs in one ask-it.
A doctor is at a bar one night and notices a young lady at the counter. He approaches her and says, "Hello there miss, pardon my intrusion, but I was curious to know, if someone were to pay you a million dollars to sleep with them, would you?"
The young lady smiles and says, "That's a lot of money, of course, I would."
The doctor smiles and says, "That's interesting, but what if someone were to pay you 5 dollars to sleep with them, would you?"
The young lady says, "What, are you joking? That's no money at all. Of course, I wouldn't. What do you think I am?"
The Doctor smiles again and says, "We already established what you are, now we're trying to establish a price."
What's the difference between roast beef and pea soup.
Anyone can roast beef.
"Morbidity, the story of my life in one joke."
roses are red violets are blue I have five fingers the third ones for you
Three men walk into a bar. You would think the 3rd one would have ducked! 😅
