One jokes

Why was one afraid of every number in the world?

Because ONE wanted TWO get something THREE FOUR FIVE at the yard sale, but SIX was not there. SEVEN EIGHT NINE as well. When all but ONE remained, it got TENse.

Yes, you are the one who can get it, and what time do I have?

What is a magic car? One that flies!

It's embarrassing when there is no toilet paper and you need to go and get one with your pants down. Luckily, the supermarket is just around the corner.

There is a new kind of jock strap; it only holds one nut. It is called a Trump supporter.

No one. Beyoncé said "To the left, to the left!" She really meant women have no rights.

Why did the one-eyed chicken cross the road?

To get to Birds Eye.

I went on a one in a lifetime vacation. Never again!

What did one Koala say to the other?

"Help me I'm burning. Aaaugh!!! Oh fuck oh fuck I'm on fire!! AAAAaugh!"

A man once ate the left side of a person. One guy watching asked if the guy he was eating was okay. The man eating him said, "No... it's okay, he's all right now."

1. You're so dumb, you think Cheerios are donut seeds!

2. You're so fat, you could sell shade!

3. You're just like coconut water, nobody likes you!

4. Have you been shopping lately? Because they're selling lives around the corner, you should go get one!

If being ugly was a crime, you would get a life sentence!!

Are these good?

My Bff: Hey do want any coffee?

Me: Yeh, of course.

My Bff: Ok which one?

Me: You know... the black one.

Me: Like my soul...

My Bff: Jeez you ok?

The butt quack one.

What has two names and one big home?

A person.

What is a plane ✈️ that can not fly?

A fake one ☝️

So what is the difference between a real doctor and a doctor of philosophy?

One cures the sick and the other makes them sick!

What can you not ride with two wheelchairs? A burger 🍔 one wheelchair.

What is a bus ride that is dumb? A boring one.

What is a bus driver that does not work? A useless one!

Last night I burned down an orphanage.

There was one survivor who said I would regret it. I said, "What are you gonna do, tell your parents?"