One jokes
Brother: Your nuts!
Sister: What do you mean? You're the one that has the nuts!
My girl asked me if I had seen a gorilla anywhere. I told her yes, I did see one a minute ago at the Central Park Zoo. He said if you don't behave, he will take you back to the jungle and have your ass abandoned for good.
Yo mama so fat that when the cashier at KFC asked her what size bucket she wants, she said "the one on the roof."
When you're at a funeral and you laugh at the body... everyone stares, and one person said, "Isn't that your mom...?"
What did the window say to the door?
"What are you squeaking about? I'm the one with the panes!"
Get it?
My friend made this joke (so I’m going steal it). I’m surrounded by fat people, oh wait... it’s just one.
What did one shoe say to the other shoe when they were fighting?
I wanna sock you in the eye so bad!
One day a father went out for some cold beer and threw the 18 pack in the back seat on top of the infant in the car seat. Fortunately, it was light beer.
There are three people in a plane that is about to crash: Trump, Obama, and a nine-year-old girl, but only two parachutes. Obama says, "Oh my, I need one. I need to protect my family," so he jumps off! Trump says, "Oh, I am the smartest man in the world. I must take it," so he jumps off. The nine-year-old girl says, "Welp, I guess he took my school backpack" :) so she leaves the plane! What a good ending.
Why does no one look up at Steven Hawking?
You have to look down to see him.
What's the difference between a Lambo and 200 children in my basement? One screams; the children don't.
A man came up to a girl about to jump off a cliff. The man said, "Why?" She then replies, "There are many monsters in this world, and I am one of them."
A man gave me 1 dollar that was ripped and laughed away. I wonder why he did that.
He did that on purpose to trick me, then I met him in the threes.
RICK: GUESS WHAT GUESS WHAT OH GUESS WHAT MOTHERFUCKER OR IMMA SAY IT!!!!!!
Richard: What????
Rick: So before Donald Trump's impeachment, he said, "The Coronavirus will end on March 32nd 2021."
Richard: Your from planet Earth where there's a March 32nd. Enjoy it, *stupid dumb fuck brother*.
Rick: Oh I will.
*It was the day March 21st*
*9 Days later*
*March 31st*
Rick: oh I cant wait until tomorrow!!!!!!!!!! Ooh im so excited im gonna give my friends a big ole bro hug and hand shake i miss the muhfuckin dudes man
*one day later*
*He got his school uniform waiting for the bus not seeing it*
Rick:....... wai......Huh!?!?...... hol....up
BITCH IM AND IDIOT THERE IS NO MOTHERFUCKING MARCH 32ND THIS IS THE MOTHERFUCKING 1ST OF APRIL TRUMP DUMBASS
*Richard*
*oh he's the dumbass*
This morning, I was in the kitchen, and I saw a whole bunch of leftover brownies made from scratch. I just tasted one and spit it out because somebody put some goddamn weed in them, what the fuck!
One day a mom who looked like a pig broke the car down.
Doctor: Hands husband his baby.
Doctor: I'm sorry but your wife didn't make it.
Husband: Then give me the one she made.
My sister's name is Coco, and one day she was funny, so I told her, "You coconut."
The other day my brother hit me. I yelled for mom. No one responded.
So there was this guy who went swimming one day and got his left side bitten off by a shark.
But don't worry, he is all right now.