One jokes

An action hero stops a man running by throwing a tire at him.

What is his one liner? "I told you to stop running or you will get tired."

One day I was at church. I had to sit down. I said, "Who in the world stinks?" I looked down. Turns out it was me, and this is not a joke, but funny.

One time in the butt. Two times in the butt. Three times in the butt makes a slut hot and wet.

A women's knitters group is having a meeting, and they are all pregnant. They all talk about their pregnancies.

One woman says, "I'm taking vitamin C so my baby has a healthy immune system."

Another knitter says, "I'm taking folic acid to help my baby's brain."

Finally, one woman says, "I'm taking Thalidomide!"

All the women turn to her and say, "Thalidomide! Don't you know your baby could be born without arms?"

The woman shrugs her shoulders and says, "I don't know how to knit arms."

My sister said I'm stupid today, and she's the one who wrote this.

Famous last words: I COULD EAT THIS IN ONE BITE!

Wanna hear a pun?

Welp, I'll punch you with one!

Want to hear a pun?

Well, I'll punch you with one!

One day there was a guy who robbed a bank. A customer at the bank while it happened got the police. Who was that? The police said......

It’s a wood hulem.

Chinese Names - Annie Wan (Anyone)

Caller: "Hello, can I speak to Annie Wan (anyone)?"

Operator: "Yes, you can speak to me."

Caller: "No, I want to speak to Annie Wan (anyone)!"

Operator: "You are talking to someone! Who is this?"

Caller: "I'm Sam Wan (Someone). And I need to talk to Annie Wan (anyone)! It's urgent."

Operator: "I know you are someone and you want to talk to anyone! But what's this urgent matter about?"

Caller: "Well... just tell my sister Annie Wan (anyone) that our brother Noel Wan (no one) was involved in an accident. Noel Wan (no one) got injured and now Noel Wan (no one) is being sent to the hospital."

Operator: "Look, if no one was injured and no one was sent to the hospital, then the accident isn't an urgent matter! You may find this hilarious, but I don't have time for this!"

Caller: "You are so rude! Who are you?"

Operator: "I'm Saw Lee (Sorry)."

Caller: "Yes! You should be sorry. Now give me your name!"

Two flies were playing football in a saucer. One tells the other, “You’ll need more practice if you want to play in the cup!”

Three men were captured by a tribe and tortured. The leader of the tribe tells them that they would live only if they could achieve one thing: They had to go out and find 10 pieces of the same fruit each.

The first person returned with apples. The leader said that he had to put all 10 of them up into his ass without making a sound, or he would be killed. 1... 2... he screamed.

The next person came back with grapes. 1, 2, 3, he counted up to 8, but began to burst out laughing; he was killed. In heaven, the first man asked him why he laughed if he was doing so well. "Well, I saw the third guy coming back with fucking pineapples!"

What do you call a cow that no one likes? The mooser.

What did one astronaut say to the other astronaut after landing on the Moon?

"Ah! And people thought we were moons!"

Okay, One time I there was my dog. But then the dog, it fell.

Then I f**ked my dog hard in the a**.

Did you hear the one about the deaf person?

Me: No.

That's because they can't hear, so they don't talk.

what's the difference between hitler and you?

one didn't keep posting on twitter about killing themselves.

A girl invites her friends to come to her birthday party, and at the party, one of her friends poops their pants.

When Sally finds out, she yells, “I never should have invited you to my party! You are a party pooper!”

So I was at high school one day in the bathrooms, and I'm circumcised, and the kid next to me wasn't, so he showed me his pp, and he had a foreskin, so I was just playing with it until the teacher walked in, then I got fired...

Two lions plan their escape from the circus. The night they get out of their cages, they see a lone clown stumbling back from town, drunk, not a soul in sight. Since they are going on the run, they decide to catch one last meal before they hit the road.

As one lion gets a bite of leg, the second takes a piece of shoulder.

Then one stops and asks his companion:

"Does this taste funny to you?"