OH jokes

Anxiety

22 views ·

Friend: How's it going?

Me: Good, things are good!

Parent: How are you?

Me: Oh, I'm fine!

Twitter: Compose new tweet?

Me: Hellooooo, I would like to tell you about my anxiety & my current greatest fears & let's talk about the impending apocalypse while we're at it.

Guy

3 views ·

How it be when the new guy takes too long...

Hay Danny, it's me Johnny.

Johnny: Boss says to kill the guy in red. Point the gun at his head.

Danny: Ok, target locked. 3... 2... 1... bang.

Johnny: Danny, hope you did not get the man in red.

Danny: OH MY BRO FOR REALL.

Orphan

Guys, we need to stop telling orphan jokes, they're gonna tell their parents. Oh wait, never mind, continue.

Butcher

1 view ·

First date be like:

Me: "I work with animals every day."

Her: "Oh, how sweet! What is it exactly that you do with them?"

Me: "I'm a butcher."

Orphan

What happens when an orphan is told that someone had found their parents?

They cry...

They scream... with joy.

"Oh wait, no, that wasn't your parents."

Orphan grabs a knife out of the kitchen, lets just say, the orphan didn't live to tell the tail...

Sex

6 views ·

Things you say before sex, Disney addition:

"Have you seen my Mouseketool? Oh, Toodles!"

Knife

5 views ·

When Knife tells Annoying Orange, "I'm trying something new," Annoying Orange said, "Oh no, are you having a midknife crisis?" and then Annoying Orange laughs.

Orphan

27 views ·

What did the orphan say to its parents?

"Hey, Mom and Dad—oh wait, you're not my parents. I don't have none. Will you adopt me, please?"

They people: "No."

Orphanage

1 view ·

I was at work and then a little kid came up to me and she said, "What happened to all the parents?" She sounded so confused, so I told her, "It's only yours, kid, they left you on purpose." She cried. I felt bad for a second and thought, oh well, time to get back to my job at the orphanage.

Christmas

6 views ·

Brrr, it's fucking cold outside, aye? What do you guys want for Christmas? A sweet video game? Maybe a cool action figure? Oh, how about the latest phone!

Who me? Oh, I guess... I wish snow could melt as fast as the snowflakes that downvote good jokes! Merry Christmas, ya filthy animals!

God

71 views ·

*Coughs roughly* Oh my God, it hurts so much. I can't see. It burns! Help!!! Help!!! Help!!! Help!!! *Weakly*