OH Jokes

pass around the roses, their casket full of hoses, crash it, watch it, the water! OH SHIT ITS GONNA BLOW

(A scientist time travels into the year 2024) ----------------------------------------------------------------------- Scientist: So, what happened with the storming of Area 51?

Pedestrian: Oh, you mean The 51 Massacre?

Have you heard the gossip about the butter? Oh I guess I better not spread it.

Teacher: Now class, if you are dumb, please stand up.

Class: no one stands up.

Teacher: Oh c’mon. I know someone over here is dumb. *teacher waves her finger around the left side of the room*

Little Johnny: stands up

Teacher: Oh, Johnny, you think you’re dumb?

Little Johnny: No, I just feel bad you’re standing alone.

Do one day i was sitting on my couch watching youtube when i heard a knock on the door. i opened the door and to my surprise it was my dad. i haven't seen him in 16 years, so i let him in. i noticed he had a gallon of milk in his hand and he went to the kitchen and put the milk in the fridge. then he walked towards me and said "Oh no! i forgot the cereal!" then he walked out the door and drove away. i never saw him again

There were 2 guys in an asylum. One name Kenny and the other is Bob. The nurse went down the hall and saw Kenny act like he was packing his bags. Nurse said “What are you doin Kenny?” Kenny said “Going to Florida for the week.” Nurse said “Alright see ya when you get back.” Next day Nurse went down the hall again and saw Kenny laying down acting like he was holding a wine glass. Nurse said “What are you doing Kenny?” Kenny said “I am at the beach” Nurse said “Oh I forgot your in Florida for the week, see ya when you get back” Bob’s room was across the hall. Nurse went further down the hall and saw Bob on his bed jerking off. Nurse said “Goddamnit Bob what are you doing?” Bob said “Shhh, I am fucking Kenny’s wife right now, he is in Florida for the week”

x : morning sunshine y : oh, yeah 30 minutes more

Somebody’s son said mom my dick has white stuff coming out of it, she said oh good one son so when’s the baby coming

I have a really good joke.

Do u want to hear it?

Oh wait this is a bad joke website.

Player in baldis basics says why are you bald? Well I have cancer. Oh good for you

Normal Europe : Oh no, I lost my iphone... Amish : Oh no, I lost my potato

Sam is a kindergartener. One day, Sam’s teacher told him to learn the first few letters of the alphabet. Later that night, Sam asked his moody sister what the first letter of the alphabet was and she replied with “Oh what’s the point. Life is meaningless...”. Sam then went up to his room and found his brother crying on the floor. Sam asked him what the next letter was. “I hate you!” said sam’s brother, so Sam left the room. Sam went to his mom and asked her what the third letter was. “You stupid f*****” his mom yelled at him. So Sam went to ask his Grandpa what the fourth letter is and his grandpa didn’t reply, so Sam went to bed.

The next day, Sam’s teacher called on him to tell the class what the first letter is and he answered with “Oh what’s the point. Life is meaningless...” and the teacher sent him to the school counselor. As he left the room, he yelled at his teacher “I hate you!”

As Sam arrived at the counselors office she said she had called his parents and they wanted him to be safe and locked up in a padded cell. “You stupid f*****” Sam screamed as he heard the ambulance sirens getting nearer. As the ambulance drove away, Sam, in his straight jacket, was silent.

One day, a preist and a nun went to play golf together. In the first shot, the preist missed his shot and said “Fuck I missed it.” The nun replied “Hey you should not curse.” In the second shot, the preist missed his shot again and said “Fuck I missed again.” The nun replied “Hey stop swearing, or else god will punish you.” In the next shot, the preist missed once again. He shouted “Fuck this, this game is bullshit.” The nun replied “Enough! God is definitely going to punish you anytime.” Suddenly, a thunderbolt stroke the nun and killed her, the clouds separated from the sky and there was a voice in the sky saying “Oh fuck I missed.”

i hate it when I go to the shop and people are like "oh, hey what are you doing here?" me "oh you know just hunting elephants.

Why is my anus burning? Cause I sat on an open lighter oh god help

Daughter: Hey Dad, can I use your car? Dad: Sure, but first you have to give me a blow job" Daughter: Okay, (proceeds to service dad), Dad, Ewww, your dick tastes like shite!" Dad: Oh that's right, I lent your brother the car

me before: why do bandanas exist they ugly me after seeing ur hairline: oh i seee me giving pro tip: get a bandana LMAO

Doctor: I have bad news. Man: What? Doctor: There are two things wrong with you. First, you have cancer. Man: Oh, no... Doctor: Second, you have Alzheimer's. Man: Well, at least I don't have cancer!