A man sits in a bar and get seriously drunk to the point where he vomits on his shirt. He panics. The bartender asked, "What's wrong sir?" The man reply's, "I got drunk and vomited, my wife will kill me." The bartender says, " put 20$ in the shirt and say someone puked on you and they paid you for the wash." So the man walks out the with 20$ he put in his shirt pocket. The next day the wife said, "Why is there vomit on your shirt?" The man says, "Someone puked on me and gave me 20$ bucks for the wash." The wife pull out the money. "There is 40$-", says the wife. "Oh, he also peed on me he paid for the wash to." The man walks away in belif he didn't get caught by his wife.
Jack and Jill went up a hill, each with a buck and a quarter? Jill came down and she had Two Fifty! Oh what a whore! (Andrew Dice Clay joke.)
Roses are red violets are blue oh shit I have nothing to say to you
bully : oh look at your shoes, look at your pants, look at your shirt ay ay ay
Me : ding, ding, sing oh did you hear that its the elevator cause your not on my level .......
bully : u_u .......
crwd : Ohhhhhhhhhhhhh
*You heard a conversation between sans and Papyrus
sans: "sub bro" Paps: "DON'T 'SUB' ME BROTHER! YOU STILL DIDN'T REDINTEGRATE YOUR PUZZELS!" sans: "easy bro, i have done a ton of work today" sans: "a skele-ton" (Drum effect) Paps: "OH MY GOD SANS!"
Lady: will you fuck me?
Man: no, I don’t have a penis.
Lady pulls down mans pants and looks in them. Yes you do! She says
Man: oh, I forgot it was there.
THE ORPHANS ALL DIED!!! oh wait, no one cares.. THEIR PARENTS ARE ALL DEAD ANYWAY, we are just making them happier, they get to join their parents in hell
Guys we gotta stop telling these jokes they are getting out of h- oh wait no .... Continue
Yo daddy so stupid he threw a father’s day party at the orphanage
What did the catholic priest say to the other catholic priest as they entered the orphanage? Let’s us prey.
(This is a cruel joke, do not say this to anyone it just popped up in my mind)
Roses are Red Violet's are blue yo grandma died, yo dad left you too, now you living with yo old grandma coot. 'oh' let's not forget yo mom left you to, you gon live alone, die alone, with no roses on yo casket too.
p=person (not original ''pun'')
p1:hey girl p2: i got a bf! p1: well i got a lamborghini aventador, a bugatti super sports, a yacht and a private plane. p2: bf stand for breakfast. p2: oh and also where did you get all that stuff? p1:gta5 p2: you motherfucker!!! (communications with this person are now blocked)
IN THE MORNING AT 6:30 AM
Teacher : who fought in the world war I ME : Trump & Biden Teacher: Oh ok ..... well good job class see you tomorrow and study your books
AFTER SCHOOL
Teacher: Oh God those kids know nothing ''She looks at her clock'' Teacher : And now I am sewed
One night when I was six, I had this super annoying accent, and when I said the number "six," Oh no... One night my catholic priest asked me how many cookies I needed for my family. I told him six, but thanks to my accent being mixed with many others including Scottish, French, and Russian, it sounded like I said "I need to have sex." He looked at me strange then pulled me into a closest. Being a Pedo. When Momma asked me why I was missing for 6 hours I told her, "I went to get the cookies like you told me to, and father raped the Christianity out of me." The angry look she gave my father was amazing. Then with my Papa she beat the hell outta him.
Serves him right.
J0K35 (me): So I heard China recently released a snack
Guy: Oh, what is it?
J0K35: They call it the Asian Raisin
Guy: Isn't that what RiceGum was when he released Frick da police?
One time little Johnny was watching tiktok and he saw a toy that he wanted so badly,so he cleaned up the whole house and did his homework and when he was done he saw a spill on the table,he went to the sink to grab a cloth but when he came back it was gone.He went to his mom's room and saw a drank with the lable daddy's drank so he drunk it and said it's daddy's he wont mind and all day he was like the flash so he went back turned the bottle around and it said speedy and then he said OH GREAT HEVANS.
A hot woman called "Jessie" was showering when the phone rang.. Jessie was upset because the phone wouldn't stop ringing, and she goes out naked from the bathroom to answer the phone in the hall.. Jessie on the phone: 《Hello? 》 The one on the phone: 《Oh hi i'm Jeff i just wanted to tell you don't go out from your bathroom naked next time because my brother is behind you right now trying to rape you》 Jessie: 《Stop it my sister! this is the 10th time you do this cringe joke! it gets boring!》
But sadly it wasn't a joke and she cried alot that night and learned how not to go out naked from the bathroom again.
Guy #1 is being picked up by Guy #2 from the hospital. Guy #1: Oh man, I just got my prostate checked. It's not looking good. Guy #2: Why, what is it? Guy #1: Turns out, I have Prostate Cancer. Guy #2: Oh man that sucks... Guy #1: Yeah, it's a real pain in the ass!
He told me that he was in a wheelchair and I asked "Oh, wheely?"
A man went to a library and asked the librarian if they had any books on suicide.
She replied "Oh fuck off, you wont bring it back!"
i was having a party in my basement and my friend asked me what that bag cover in blood was for and i said oh thats the bag i catch the children with to torture them in this basement
(A scientist time travels into the year 2024) ----------------------------------------------------------------------- Scientist: So, what happened with the storming of Area 51?
Pedestrian: Oh, you mean The 51 Massacre?
