Kid: *runs down the street* HELP ME Officer: you ok kid? Me: dont worry! hes my nephew, there was a big spider Officer: oh ok ma'am *walks off* When officer leaves: Me: *gets whip* what did I say about leaving the basement
Mom asks “Why are you are THIS show??? It’s DISTRACTING you from SCHOOL!!!!!” The child says “Don’t you mean SCHOOL is distracting ME from this AWESOME show?” Mon whispers “Oh, you DEAD.”
Bro Kobe Bryant is singing with the basketball team in his helicopter celebrating right now I bet
Oh wait I forgot
Jesus takes his disciples to a bar , '13 pints of water please' he says to the barman 'Oh fuck not you again' barman replies 'You boys are about to see something real special' says Jesus
im sorry orphans that your getting bullyed.. oh i have to go my MOM's calling me WERE going on a road trip to go to a FAMILY reuonion
we should give whoever killed hitler a statue oh wait nevermind.
A hot woman is ready to jump from a bridge and commit suicide when a ugly stinky homeless man comes up to her and tells her "oh baby you so hot let's fuck" she just yells "get the fuck away you creep" he just laughs and says alright i wait down there.
Yo sis come here sis: what. Me: oh sorry you doing school sis: yup me can i go sis:no way you're going to hug me me: i love you
"We've invented the spade!" "Oh wow, this is ground-breaking!"
Justin: Hey Josh: Hey man Justin: Why only "man"? Josh: It feels weird saying the r a c e y names Justin: I don't mind. Josh: okay S L A V E Justin: oh no not T H A T one
Man:Can You be my girlfriend? Woman:Im Lesbian, Sorry Man:Oh, Heres your rope
Bully: YOU ARE SO STOOPID Classmate: does nothing Bully: OI, IM TALKING TO YOU Classmate: Oh you're talking to me, I thought you were talking to yourself.
Business Interview With Depression Inside my brain...
Me: So... You're new? Depression: (I don't know who he is yet) mHMMMmmm! Me: Well what are your skills? Depression: Oh, taking control and leading... You know... Me: What are you trying out for? Depression: Oh, Vice Leader of Negative Thoughts. Me: Well we do need someone over there- for somewhat reason nobody wanted that job... Me: How did you know about us? Depression: Oh- I knew because of Anxiety, you know, we're friends! Me: Interesting... (Still has no idea about Anxiety and it's problemos) Me: Well I think you're signed up! I'll give you the job! Depression: tHaNKS :)
AND THATS HOW MY LIFE GOT DESTROYED :]
who killed hitler goes to heaven. *looks up* oh,never mind.
me: so you two girls are from England girls: wales me: oh i see, so you two whales are from England
guys, stop telling orphan jokes, soon they're gonna tell they're pare- oh wait, nvmd, carry on.
Your hairline is so big the Niagara Falls said “oh looks like we’ve got some competition
Your mom oh wait you don't have one
Ur mum -oh wait,you don’t have that
“I’m on a hunt for my wife’s murderer, have been for years.” “Oh my God! Your wife’s been murdered?!” “No no, you misunderstand. I’m still looking for him.”
