Offspring jokes
What do you call a dead baby?
Spawn killed.
"Cummy wummy all over my mummy."
1+1=3, just add 9 months.
Jack and Jill went up the hill to do it in the water.
Jack slipped, and the condom ripped; now they have a daughter.
Q. What do rapists fear more than rabies?
A. Rape babies.
Jack and Jill went up the hill, had some fun, now they have 4 babies.
Why can't you have a tall dog? You will have pups in a week.
I can't cum anymore. I can't put children through this.
Why did the baby cow cross the road?
To find its mom who has the milk.
People keep telling me they hope Kenny never has kids.
I don't think that's a worry. His mom is much too old to get pregnant.
I'm pregnant.
Why can’t baby ducks lay eggs? Because their quacks are too small.
What's the difference between drugs and children? I don't sell drugs.
Did you know that your son has been deeper inside of your wife than you have...unless you put the coat hanger up there?
Son: Dad, how was I born?
Dad: Your mum's a hoe.
Son: OK, what's a hoe?
Dad: Your mum.
There was an animal on my porch, then I shot it in the head. It was strange that it had coffee in its hand. I flipped it over, and it was an animal, but it looked a lot like my kid.
What spooky creature has children?
Mummies.
A father awaits the birth of his first child.
The obstetrician says, "Unfortunately, he has no arms."
The father says, "I'll love it all the same."
But the obstetrician adds, "It is also without legs, trunk, head."
The father says, "I'll love it all the same."
Then the obstetrician confessed to him, "I'm sorry, but only this ear was born."
The father says, "I'll love it all the same."
And the obstetrician says, "Talk to him closer: he's deaf!"
What happens when an angel and nun "have some fun and forget pills"?
The nun gets pregNUNt.
Son, you are not precious, so pack your bags because someone else is going to adopt you.
Dad, what do you mean someone else will adopt me?
Son, you're adopted!