Offspring jokes
By the way, infertility is hereditary:
If your parents did not have children, you will not have any.
What's the difference between an onion and a baby? I only tear up cutting the onion.
If two eagles make a baby and two sparrows make a baby, what makes no baby?
Two swallows.
What do you call a dead baby?
Spawn killed.
"Cummy wummy all over my mummy."
1+1=3, just add 9 months.
Jack and Jill went up the hill to do it in the water.
Jack slipped, and the condom ripped; now they have a daughter.
Q. What do rapists fear more than rabies?
A. Rape babies.
Jack and Jill went up the hill, had some fun, now they have 4 babies.
Why can't you have a tall dog? You will have pups in a week.
I can't cum anymore. I can't put children through this.
Why did the baby cow cross the road?
To find its mom who has the milk.
People keep telling me they hope Kenny never has kids.
I don't think that's a worry. His mom is much too old to get pregnant.
I'm pregnant.
Why can’t baby ducks lay eggs? Because their quacks are too small.
What's the difference between drugs and children? I don't sell drugs.
Did you know that your son has been deeper inside of your wife than you have...unless you put the coat hanger up there?
Son: Dad, how was I born?
Dad: Your mum's a hoe.
Son: OK, what's a hoe?
Dad: Your mum.
There was an animal on my porch, then I shot it in the head. It was strange that it had coffee in its hand. I flipped it over, and it was an animal, but it looked a lot like my kid.
What spooky creature has children?
Mummies.