People keep telling me they hope Kenny never has kids.
I don't think that's a worry. His mom is much too old to get pregnant.
I'm pregnant.
Why can’t baby ducks lay eggs? Because their quacks are too small.
What's the difference between drugs and children? I don't sell drugs.
Son: Dad, how was I born?
Dad: Your mum's a hoe.
Son: OK, what's a hoe?
Dad: Your mum.
There was an animal on my porch, then I shot it in the head. It was strange that it had coffee in its hand. I flipped it over, and it was an animal, but it looked a lot like my kid.
What spooky creature has children?
Mummies.
A father awaits the birth of his first child.
The obstetrician says, "Unfortunately, he has no arms."
The father says, "I'll love it all the same."
But the obstetrician adds, "It is also without legs, trunk, head."
The father says, "I'll love it all the same."
Then the obstetrician confessed to him, "I'm sorry, but only this ear was born."
The father says, "I'll love it all the same."
And the obstetrician says, "Talk to him closer: he's deaf!"
What happens when an angel and nun "have some fun and forget pills"?
The nun gets pregNUNt.
A woman is in the hospital giving birth. The doctor comes up to her afterwards.
Dr: "I'm sorry, I have good news and bad news."
Woman: "What's the bad news?"
Dr: "Your baby is Ginger!"
Woman: "Ok, so what's the good news?"
Dr: "It's dead!"
I was about to make a baby joke but then decided to abort.
Mom: There is so much of the dog's dirty ball marks.
Me: *umm ohh no* HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA dirty balls!
I was gonna tell a baby joke, but I had to abort.
When a cat gets a sibling, do they say, "Oh, shit! Another mew kid?!?!?!"
So my son came up to me and said, "Hey, Dad, I’m hungry." So I replied "Hi, Hungry, I’m Dad."
And then I feed him my dick.
I have a brother and he told me this quote, "No wonder they had a second child, they messed up on the first one." He’s the second child... I’m the first...
Why did Ms. Grapes 🍇 want to marry Mr. Grapes 🍇?
Because she loves raisin kids.
Dad goat: Son, do you know what I like to eat?
Son goat: No, what?
Dad goat: Goat meat.
Son goat: *Gasps*
Dad goat: Nah, I'm just KIDing.
What do you call a cow that just gave birth?
De-calf-inated.
So a kid asks his dad, "Why was I born?"
The dad replies, "I thought that girl was dead!"
