What did the chocolate dentist say to the other chocolate dentist? Did you "chip" a tooth?
If you start at a bait shop, you're an amateur baiter, but once you achieve the highest level, you become a master baiter. Now buy a shrimp boat and become a master baiter on a shrimp boat.
What did the comedian say when he walked into a bank?
"This is a stand-up."
Two scientists walk into a bar. The first one says, "Can I have a drink of H2O?" Then the second says, "Can I have a drink of H2O2?" and he dies.
What does a pizza delivery man and a gynecologist have in common?
They can both smell it, but they can’t eat it.
I despise lumberjacks. They are always barking up the wrong tree, all bark and no bite.
They just need to leaf people alone or stick with something nicer.
Did you hear about the blonde that worked at the Dollar Store?
She called for a price check.
If you’re waiting for the waiter at a restaurant, aren’t you the waiter?
What did the farmer say when he lost his tractor?
"Where's my tractor?"
I am up in the air about becoming a pilot.
What did the janitor say when he jumped out of the closet?
"SUPPLIES!"
Number 1 ventriloquist dies at age 76, will be mist.
*on a date*
me - "I get to work with animals all day."
her - "How sweet! What do you do?"
me - "I'm a butcher."
What do you call a person with no arms or legs at your front door? Mat.
What do you call a blind author?
A Braille writer.
What is a pirate's favorite letter? You might think it’s the "R," but it’s actually the "C".
Why did the clown stop smiling?
Someone chopped his lips off.
What did the football coach say when he went to the bank?
-"I want my quarterback."
What did the house painter ask when he went to the abortion clinic?
"Where do you keep the cans of paint?"
A pirate walked into a pub with a ship wheel attached to his balls. The bartender says, "What the hell is that?"
The pirate said, "I don't know but it's driving me nuts!"
