Occupation jokes
What did the hairdresser say to the power line?
"Want a power cut?"
Did you hear about the actor who fell through the floorboard?
Don't worry, he was just going through a stage.
A hitman walks into a bar and tells the bartender, "I'm here to assassinate John Tucker." The bartender replies, "He’s in the restroom." The hitman goes inside the restroom and comes out after 1 hour.
The bartender asks him, "Did you kill him?" The hitman replies with a sad face, “I asked him any last wishes and the guy asked me to allow him to finish his shit as he is half way in passing his stools, so I gave him my word that I would wait and so I waited for an hour, and when I asked him what’s taking him so long, he says he will not be able to finish because he is just getting started.”
If a master fisherman had a caddie, what would be the caddie's job title?
A master baiter.
What’s the difference between an epileptic corn shucker and a prostitute with diarrhea?
The epileptic corn shucker “shucks between fits”...
What kind of dogs do miners like best?
Golden retrievers, haha, get it?
What's the difference between a rooster and a prostitute?
The rooster says... "cock-a-doodle-doo." The prostitute says... "any cock will do."
Why does Oscar Field have no friends? Because he spends time on his fields.
Why do orphans become hookers?
They can call someone daddy.
My aunt worked as a human cannonball.
I'm not sure if she was good at it until she got fired.
I am really hot, but I hate water. What am I?
Why are the candy's clothes in the studio?
Because it's a wrapper.
My mom said she wanted to be a comedian when she grows up. So after she was an adult, she had kids. When they were old enough, she told them you could be whatever you want...
What is the difference between whores and nuns?
Nuns usually discover their own chosen vocation. Whores usually have their vocation chosen by pimps.
What do you call a man that has no arms, no legs, and sits in front of your door? Mat.
A pirate walks into a bar with a wheel hanging down his pants.
A guy walks by and says, "Pardon me sir, but you've got a wheel hanging down your pants." The pirate responds, "I know. It's driving me nuts!"
What's a chairmaker's favorite flavor?
Chair-y.
What did the iceberg say to the firefighter?
"Come close and I’ll knock you out cold!"
The only profession where one could have coronavirus and still go to work is a suicide terrorist.
I refuse to believe my dad got fired as a road worker for theft. But when I came home, there were signs everywhere.