Occupation jokes
What's the difference between a rooster and a prostitute?
The rooster says... "cock-a-doodle-doo." The prostitute says... "any cock will do."
Why does Oscar Field have no friends? Because he spends time on his fields.
Why do orphans become hookers?
They can call someone daddy.
My aunt worked as a human cannonball.
I'm not sure if she was good at it until she got fired.
I am really hot, but I hate water. What am I?
Why are the candy's clothes in the studio?
Because it's a wrapper.
My mom said she wanted to be a comedian when she grows up. So after she was an adult, she had kids. When they were old enough, she told them you could be whatever you want...
What is the difference between whores and nuns?
Nuns usually discover their own chosen vocation. Whores usually have their vocation chosen by pimps.
What do you call a man that has no arms, no legs, and sits in front of your door? Mat.
A pirate walks into a bar with a wheel hanging down his pants.
A guy walks by and says, "Pardon me sir, but you've got a wheel hanging down your pants." The pirate responds, "I know. It's driving me nuts!"
What's a chairmaker's favorite flavor?
Chair-y.
What did the iceberg say to the firefighter?
"Come close and I’ll knock you out cold!"
The only profession where one could have coronavirus and still go to work is a suicide terrorist.
I refuse to believe my dad got fired as a road worker for theft. But when I came home, there were signs everywhere.
What is the difference between a priest and a doctor?
The doctor doesn't like to give physicals.
What’s a nun's weapon of choice?
Nun-chucks.
I knew a guy who used to sell wrenches. He was all torque.
What's the difference between a nun and a prostitute taking a bath?
The nun has a soul full of hope...
What did the farmer say when he lost his tractor?
"Where's my tractor!"
What’s the difference between a mediocre thief and professional thief?
The mediocre thief will say “give me all your money!”
And a professional thief will say “sign here please.”