Thing 1: What's the difference between nuts and almonds?
Thing 2: I don't know, what?
Thing 1: One gets hard faster.
Nut Jokes
A 7-foot-tall man walks into a restaurant with his 4-foot-tall girlfriend, and the maitre d' says to the waiter, “He must be nuts over her.”
Me: Let's go to Randy's.
Friend: There's no Randy's.
Me: Ran deez nuts with a car.
Me: Can I borrow your CD?
Friend: What CD?
Me: See deez nuts in your mouth.
Knock knock.
Me, a person: Who's there?
A: Deez nuts!
Have you heard of the Xbox game Sea of Thieves?
See if these nuts fit in your mouth.
"Hey, what's the Russian president's name?" "Putin?" "Yeah, Putin deez nuts in yo mouth!"
Have you seen the Xbox game Sea of Thieves?
Sea if these nuts fit on yo mouth.
Why did the female dicktator get fired? She had too much dick!
Looks dragon!
Draggin' these nuts across yo face!
What did the female rapper say when her boyfriend pulled his pants down and exposed his huge balls?
“I like big nuts and I cannot lie!”
Knock knock. Who's there? Dees. Dees who? Dees nuts!
(Or dees nuts in yo mouth!)
What do you call a man with farts?
DEEZ NUTS!
Who's Joe?
Joe Mama sucks my fat nuts, bitch!
A nut told me to eat him, so I did, but something weird happened. I turned into a nut, and when I poop, there were eggs there.
What do plus a pee and a nut... Nut pees, wait, pee nuts.
Why does a golfer wear two pairs of pants?
In case he gets a hole in one!
Me: U know the show called Imagine Dragons?
Friends: No, what is it?
Me: Imagine dragon this nuts across yo mouth.
What did one nut say to the other? Ignore the guy in the middle. He's a d!ck.
I’m sorry deez nuts can’t fit in your mouth.
