Nut jokes
Why does a golfer wear two pairs of pants?
In case he gets a hole in one!
Me: U know the show called Imagine Dragons?
Friends: No, what is it?
Me: Imagine dragon this nuts across yo mouth.
What did one nut say to the other? Ignore the guy in the middle. He's a d!ck.
I’m sorry deez nuts can’t fit in your mouth.
Imposter: Did you do Sawcon task?
Crewmate: What's Sawcon?
Imposter: Sawcon deez nuts!
Do nut get in my way.
Do nut get in my way.
One day, Little Johnny went to his grandma's house, and she asks, "Do you like nuts?"
Little Johnny says, "Yes, I like nuts."
His grandma says, "Okay then, grab them out of the cabinet." So Little Johnny went and grabbed them, and he was sad after he grabbed them. His grandma then says, "What's wrong?"
Little Johnny says, "I thought they were real nuts," and his grandma fainted.
What did one nut say to the other nut?
A: "Candice deez nuts fit in my mouth."
Do you know when the thing of you when the was is where you and if you when you where if I and you where in the thing is where yes?
What do you call a vegan slut?
A garden ho!
I bought a guh on the weekend.
(what's a guh?)
GUHZZLE DEEZ NUTS! 🥜 🔩 🌰
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Candis.
Candis who?
Candis nuts fit in your mouth?
Why is my butt wet? I forgot.
Lick my nut.
What happens when you kick a boy in the balls?
THEY NUTS ARE IN PAIN.
Me: Hey, I have candy.
Kid: Right next to me, can I have some?
Me: Some of deez nuts.
Are you going to SHOWCON?
What’s SHOWCON?
Show con these nuts.
B b b b bird bird bird, the bird banged your mom!
My nuts hurt; if you pull them, I will scream.
My nuts tickle; scratch them, and I won’t like you no more.