Numbers jokes
Why is 10 scared of 11 and 9? Because he's in the middle of 9/11.
Why was the rapper so good at math?
Because he could count his bars.
I read the chapter of numbers, but nowhere did I ever see your number.
Why did the rapper become a mathematician?
To count his STACKS of CASH.
What is the number one song played in Columbine High? Smells Like Teen Spirit.
yo mama so fat, when she stepped on the scale it told her "I wanted your weight not your phone number."
The boss wondered why one of his most valued employees was absent, but had not phoned in.
Needing to have an urgent work problem resolved, he dialed the employee's home phone number and was greeted by a child's whisper, "Hello."
"Is your Mummy home?" he asked.
"Yes," whispered the small voice.
"May I talk with her?"
The child whispered, "No."
Surprised and wanting to talk with an adult, the boss asked, "Is your Daddy there?"
"Yes."
"May I talk with him?"
Again the small voice whispered, "No."
Hoping there was someone with whom he could leave a message, the boss asked, "Is anyone else there?"
"Yes," whispered the child, "a policeman."
Wondering what a cop would be doing at his employee's home, the boss asked, "May I speak with the policeman?"
"No, he's busy," whispered the child.
"Busy doing what?"
"Talking to the ambulancemen and the Fireman," came the whispered answer.
Growing more worried as he heard a loud noise through the earpiece on the phone, the boss asked, "What is that noise?"
"A helicopter," answered the whispering voice.
"What is going on there?" demanded the boss, now truly apprehensive.
Again, whispering, the child answered, "The search team just landed a helicopter."
Alarmed, confused, and a little frustrated, the boss asked, "What are they searching for?"
Still whispering, the young voice replied with a muffled giggle..."Me!"
What’s the best part about sex with twenty eight year olds?
There are twenty of them.
Yo mama is so fat, the doctor asked for her weight, she told her phone number.
Yo mama so fat the scale said, "I need your weight, not your phone number."
Why is the number 10 always scared?
Answer: He’s in the middle of 9/11.
I'm shocked that Kanye West never tried to get Carrie Underwood's number after Carrie starred in a pro-Aryan ad for Almay.
Wait, 911 is the American emergency number...
Been learning Chinese...
69 is too-can-chew.
When I’m bored, I text a random number, “I hid the body... now what?”
What number is better than 69?
88 'cause you get ate twice.
What's the square root of 2001?
9/11
Why shouldn’t you call people in China?
Because there are so many Wings and Wongs you might "wing" the wrong number.
Yo mama so fat that when she went on the scale, it showed her phone number.
At one point in your life, you were exactly pi years old.