Number jokes
What’s Michael Jackson’s favorite poker hand?
Jacks and 5.
Why did 10 kill itself?
Because it was between 9/11.
Why is 10 afraid?
Because it was in the middle of 9/11.
A missionary went to visit an orphanage in Thailand. After looking around, he asked the manager, "Why do these kids have numbers instead of names on their shirts? And why are some of them the same?"
The manager smiled and said, "Those are price tags."
Me, calls the police*
Me: Hey, I'm gonna commit suicide!
Cop on the phone: Please wait till we get there.
Me: Why, so you can then stop me?
Cop on the phone: No, we just want a murder, not a suicidal report on your paper... and we are all bored!
Me: Ok, my house number is *********************, ok!
Cop on the phone: Awesome! Just a sec. *whispers* Guys, I finally found someone who wants to get killed!
1, 2, 3, A, B, C, D, and there's a D in it and there's also a 3. That's how long your D is!
What is 2+2? Fish.
Why was 10 afraid?
Because it was in the middle of 9/11.
What did 50 do when he was hungry?
58.
Your mama so fat when she steps on the scale, the scale said, "I'm trying to get your weight, not your phone number!"
16 is a knight? Mail.
Lesson in laziness number 136894236842: don't be too lazy to read large numbers.
I was diagnosed with a terminal disease. The doctor says my days are numbered.
Now I'm terrified of airports.
Bobby had 54 dicks (54).
He took 33 pills a month (5433).
Once he ran out of pills, he was left with 45 dicks (543345).
(Flip the calculator once you got the full number. 543345! He's got a lot!
"We got a number one victory royale, yeah Fortnite we boutta get down! Get down! Ten kills on the board right now, just wiped out tomato town! My friend's gone down, I revived him now we're heading southbound! Now we're in the pleasant park street, look at the map, go to the marked sheet!"
Six one.
Why did 7 kill 11?
Because now 7 was even.
I saw a pretty girl walking outside. I asked for her number.
We met up and began to have sex. She told me to turn over, which was weird. I felt a stinging pain in my ass all of a sudden.
Why are there not that many phones in China? Because there’s too much Wing and Wong, so they will "wing" the wrong number.
What did the Nazi order from Wendy's?
Two number NEINs.