Number jokes
Why is six scared of seven?
Because seven eight nine.
I am in trouble. My mum asked me to get six cans of Sprite.
But I got seven Up.
What’s 1+1?? The number of parents orphans don’t have!
10+10
Girls are like math, if they're under 10, use your fingers.
Why is there no phone in China?
Too many wings, too many wongs; might wing wrong number.
The woman became extremely uncomfortable with the man she had just met. While he lay beside her, romantically kissing and stroking her neck he whispered, “I called the number you gave me at the bar tonight. Someone named Alvin answered who has never heard of you.”
Depressed should be spelled "depraseed" because then they would be 1, 2, 5, 9.
What do Call of Duty players say when they shoot up a school?
654-721-8940
(If you understand the joke, you're a god.)
You have to tell this to a friend:
There are 30 cows in a field. 20 ate 28 chickens. How many didn't? A: 10
Why did 10 run away?
Now it's 8, 9/11.
Your mama so white that her first number was 911.
Why was 10 afraid? Because he was 'tween 9 and 11.
Listen, Man United might not thank me but get the contract out, put it on the table. Let him sign it, let him write whatever numbers he wants to put on there, given what he's done since he's come in. Ole's at the wheel, man. He's doing it. He's doing his thing. Man United are BACK.
A kindergarten class is learning about the alphabet. The teacher asked, "What comes after M?"
Little Timmy reached into his backpack and yelled, "16!"
What's the best thing about fucking twenty-one year olds?
That there's twenty of them hoo hoo hee hooo harr haar dee harr harr
Why was number 10 scared?
It was surrounded by 9/11.
How many orphans can you fit in a bag of chips?
One, if the bag is family size.
A white guy was telling his friend about this girl he hooked up with. His friend asks, "Did you get her number?"
He replies, "No, but it's okay, I'll see her at the next family reunion!"
A lot of things have changed since I got my girlfriend pregnant.
My name, my address, and my phone number.