My nan broke her toe by a brick today, last time she broke her toe because she kicked her car tire . Does that now mean I have to toe her back to the doctors.
I own a pencil that used to be owned by William Shakespeare, but he chewed it a lot. Now I can't tell if it's 2B or not 2B.
Little Johnny is in class one day and little Timmy starts laughing. The teacher says what's so funny? He said I can see your bra strap. The teacher says don't come back to class for a week, so he get up and walked out. A few minutes later little Billy starts laughing, and she ask what's funny now? Little Billy said I can see both of your bra straps. The teacher says get out of my class room for a month. So little Billy got pissed he walked out and slammed the door, this scared the teacher and she dropped the chalk. She picked it up then she stood back up and she sees little Johnny walking out of the classroom. She asked where do you think your going? He said well teach after what I saw I'm done with school for a lifetime.
A sailor drops anchor in a port and heads into the nearest pub. Everyone in the pub is whispering and pointing at him because of his odd shaped body; he has a very muscular body, but a very tiny head on his shoulders. As he orders his drink, he tells the bartender, "I'll explain. I get this in every port and town I visit. I caught a mermaid and she granted me three wishes if I would release her back into the sea. So I told her I wanted a yacht and, sure enough, she came through for me. Next, I asked for a million bucks and now I am set for life. Last of all, I asked her if I could have sex with her and her response was, 'I don't know how you can make love to me with your type of body.' So I asked her, 'How about a little head?'"
How is blessed with a 9 inch dick That priest is in jail now. Shout out to the church
I taped a picture of Bill Cosby to my gun now to the assault rifle.
Due to her death, you can no longer get a letter from the Queen when you turn 100. Instead, you now receive a text from Prince Andrew when you turn 14.
One way to not pick up girl is to say, “are you an American school because I wanna shoot kids into you.” I tried it on a girl and she is now terrified to come near me.
How was I supposed to know she was already pregnant?
Attended my bosses funeral to pay my respect, on my way out I leant over his casket and whispered lightly.....'Well look whos thinking Outside the box now'.....
i used to hate foot fungus, but now its growing on me
me: breath right now if u wanna date me
what is the difference between genders and the twin towers?
they used to be two , now it a touchy subject.
If I had kept all my two cents to myself, I'd have enough money to publish my own newspaper now.
I came I across a pic of the oldest man on earth on ig , he was 132 years old. I commented age is just a number for him now I'm banned.
You are like a software update. Whenever I see you, I immediately think, "not now."
imagine a white van. now imagine a white guy in the driver seat with a sombre on and his arm out the window and on the side of the van it says free candy. but there's blood all over the van and a dead clown in the back
your hairline is so curvy now ice spice has competition
A proud father has six children. He always calls his wife "mother of six" to her displeasure. One night at a party, he yells across the room, "Mom of six, we're going now." She replies: "I'll be right there, father of four.
When your boy tries to have a bad day while you're on your period:
Oh you have a cold? How rude of me. I just laid an egg and now my body is ripping down the walls of my uterus. But can I get you a tissue?
i could tell a joke right now but its to dark
