Now jokes

Sally had 69 boobs, which was 222 many, 69,222. So she went to the doctor on 51st street, 69,222,51, who gave her pills. She took them 8 times a day, and now she is boobless.

Everything is now so expensive in Africa that witches don’t serve food in dreams again. Am I lying? Okay, when last did you eat in your dreams?

Don’t feel bad about this day because there’s a saying: "Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery, but today is a gift. That is why it is called the present."

If trees were sentient, they would make their furniture out of bone, flesh, and blood.

Now ain't that cool?

I'm really bored and I don't know what's up with Prince. He isn't talking to me.

And Freshfry, why are you so mean now?

My therapist told me time heals all wounds, so I stabbed him. Now we wait.

I remember last year all these bitches called me lame so I stopped the simping and pretended I was gay, now I think they're all fucking with me.

I'm an LGBTQ imposter got cut last year know I've made the roster and you may think I'm a monster. I'm just just tryna see some titties.

This morning I woke up, then took a bath with some chocolate mud. At first, when I turned the damn flossers on, I noticed it wasn't water. It was all chocolate mud, and now my body is all chocolatey.

One day the mailman came to drop the mail off, then he asked if I could use the bathroom. I said yeah. The thing is, my mom was coming out of the shower naked, and when she opened the door, it was me and the mailman.

Now, when the mailman sees me, he says to me, "We got something in common, we both saw your mom naked."

9/11 is like genders.

There used to be two of them, and now it’s a touchy subject.

There was an oil spill in the ocean. Now the ocean can't see!

I was going to tell you a joke about a pencil, but now it is pointless.

Papyrus: Nyhe heh heh! I got a swim suit! And it even says cool dude!

Sans: I guess now it says pool dude ;)

Papyrus: SSSSAAAAANNNNSSSS!

Wood-fired pizza.

How would pizza get a job now?

Yesterday I bought my daughter a cat, but accidentally hit her with the car today. I have no idea what to do with the cat now.

What does my dad and the Twin Towers have in common? They used to be with us, now it's just a sensitive topic.

He's got a massive f*cking cock, Ayew, Ayew. He tucks it in his football sock, Ayew, Ayew. Shagged a bird and now she's dead, Swung his cock around her head, Jordan Ayew Palace number nine.

So I went to Comic-Con and saw a man with an arm missing, and I thought, "Cool display," until I heard him screaming and getting the other arm chopped off. Then I said, "Man, now that's a 10/10 display, wow!"

How are the Twin Towers and genders similar? There used to be two, but now it's a sensitive subject.

I have had an obsession with soap. Don’t worry, I am all clean now!