Now Jokes

"Give it to me! Give it to me!" she yelled. "I'm so wet, give it to me now!" She could scream all she wanted, but I was keeping the umbrella.

Broke my toenail yesterday, I'm now presenting you puns/jokes:

1. "Yeah I broke my toenail, wanna see phoTOES?" 2. "I'm tired of bandaging my toe! Oh. My. GAUZE."

my therapist says with time all wounds can heal so I stabbed him now we wait

Grew up playing Fruit Ninja on my iPad. Spent time with my online sister playing multiplayer.

Now I play it in school with an awesome small steel blade.

I’m not allowed my phone during school hours and I have to give it in at the start of the day...

Did you hear about the guy whose whole left side was cut off? He’s all right now.

The world exploded, so now I need to visit Uranus.

A black boy walks into the kitchen where his mother is baking and accidentally pulls the flour over onto his head. He turns to his mother and says, “Look Mama, I’m a white boy!” His mother smacks him and says, “Go tell your Daddy what you just said!” The boy finds his father and says, “Look Daddy, I’m a white boy!” His Daddy bends him over, spanks him, stands the boy back up, and says, “Now, what do you have to say for yourself?” The boy replies, “I’ve only been a white boy for five minutes and I already hate you black people!”

Pedofiles are fucking immature assholes

Not done yet

Now they are

if gay means happy then i am now straight

I parked in a disabled space today...

...and a traffic warden shouted to me, “Oi, what's your disability?” I said “Tourettes! Now fuck off!”

I pushed a man in a wheelchair into a fire now we call him hot wheels

the titanic is now resort for fish

"I met a girl and she's 28"

Now I'm the coolest guy in all of 8th grade"

-AJR

I kicked into someone Ball.Now i got a red Card

Cosmetic surgery used to be such a taboo subject. Now you can talk about Botox and nobody raises an eyebrow.

I'm reading this book in braille right now, and I know somethings gonna happen, I can just feel it

a fat girl was dancing on the table and i said nice legs she says you really think so and i say yes definitely most tables would of been broken by now

Jack and Jill went up the hill to smoke some marrahwanah jack got high slapped her thigh and then they had some fun Jill for got to take her pills and now they have a son