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So, I am an emo dude, so I sit in the back of the class, and I talk to no one.

But one day this dude came up to me and tried to talk to me, so I just ignored him. Then he got really pissed off and said, "I'm gonna kill you." I was like, "You're gonna kill me just because I ignored you? Is your ego that big, wow?" He left. Then the next day he brought his goons with him and said, "Now you're dead." I ignored him again, and he said, "You will pay for this."

So the following day after school I was walking down the street back to my house. Then he and his goons tried to attack me, but then they died, so I kept on walking. I had some rope traps set.

This was the best day of my life.

This is why you never mess with emos. We have ropes everywhere.

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    • Have a sink in your house? Eat it.

    Have a mouse in your house? Kill it.

    Have a child in your house? MICROWAVE IT.

    ...just kidding. Now watch this video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y5tjtUFL0j4

    Where are you right now?

    Looking at a fake joke? You are a waste of time and space.

    I take debt of 25,000 euro. I spend 20,000 in charity, and 5000 euro are left. I pay the debt of 2000 euro and I have to pay now 23,000 euro to bank, and 3000 euro I have in profit, 23,000 +3000 >> 26000 ;)

    A brunette, a red-head, and a blonde are being chased by bandits. They are chased to the edge of a cliff and a genie appears.

    "I will help you escape," says the genie, "say what you wish to turn into, and you will become that thing."

    The brunette jumps off the cliff and says "Hawk." She turns into a hawk and flies away. The red-head says "Falcon." She turns into a falcon and flies away. Now the blonde is alone and the bandits are getting closer. She makes her decision and backs up, then runs toward the cliff. And...she trips and says "Crap."

    The End

    I named my dog 5-Miles, so now I tell people, "I walk 5-Miles every day."

    I used to date a girl named Ruth, but she broke up with me and now I am ruthless.

    Apparently, I'm a category for jokes now. Hmm... ok!

    #HOMIEZ4Life

    P.S. Say "crack my finger," now say it backwards :)

    Does your cat scratch you?

    Yeah, I need [to] give him payback, but now he won't respond.

    This year my friends wanted to dress up as crayons for Halloween. They asked me if I wanted to be a tan crayon. I didn’t want to, but I said yes to be nice. I wish I had said no, because now I look like a dick to everyone else.

    Me: Hey, wanna know my spirit animal?

    Friend: Sure.

    Me: Roadkill, because I can see my mom pretty clearly now.

    Friend: Wait, aren't you dead?

    Me: Aren't you my son?

    Friend: So that's what Mom was trying to hide from me.

    My water was leaking, so I used Flex Tape. Now I don't know where to shower. Thanks, Phil!

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    • My water was leaking, so I used Flex Tape. Now I don't know where to shower.

    My water was leaking, so I used Flex Tape. Now I don't know where to shower.

    Imagine if you were an Arabic person shopping at Walmart with your son.

    Now imagine he got lost and you had to start calling out his name.

    ...Now imagine his name is "Allahu Akbar."

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    • Robin asks Batman what he is getting his parents for Christmas. Batman gets mad, slaps Robin, and runs off crying.

    Now you know why Batman Beyond was born when Bruce died. cause of death: suicide

    Teacher: Now class, if you are dumb, please stand up. Class: *no one stands up* Teacher: Oh c'mon. I know someone over here is dumb. *waves her finger around the left side of the room* Little Johnny: *stands up* Teacher: Oh, Johnny, you think you're dumb? Little Johnny: No, I just feel bad you're standing alone.