Not jokes
"Where exactly are you taking me, doctor?"
"To the morgue."
"What? But I’m not dead yet!"
"And we’re not there yet."
Male Patient: So I just pull my pants down and bend over for my prostate exam.
Doctor: Yup.
Male: Ok I'm ready....hey doc that doesn't feel like a finger.
Doctor: He he yeah...im not a doctor.
Q: Why did the boy not eat the banana?
A: He was scared the juice might come out.
A fireman, a policeman, and a carpenter went on a fishing trip. The fireman and the policeman both have the same father but different mothers, and they are half-brothers. But the fireman and the carpenter have the same mother and father, but they are not brothers. How is this possible?
Leave you answer in the comments. The answer will be revealed in 24 hours.
I got fired for not doing enough work.
Guess I didn’t put enough backbone into it.
As a man can confirm
2nd comments from Gwen in her bra.
Keie: Man Man man! I LOVE U!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
heyo: 👅🍑
Bari: STOP U FUCKIN PEDOS!!!!!!!!!!
Kenya Bailey: THAT IS ENOUGH! I AM REPORTING ALL OF THIS CRAP TO THE ADMIN!!!!!!!!!!!
Remera Karwi: Shut up! We jus tellin her she looks like a star no need for all that "crap".
Kenya Bailey: One guy put tongue and peach aka butt I know a little bit about oral sex my friend or not!
Literally every movie:
"I love you." "I love you, too."
My life:
My 'friends': "Hey, Hailey likes you!" Him: "Wtf, I have a girlfriend, sorry not sorry." His friends: Spreads the word throughout the whole goddamn country. 😶
What goes with chips?
Not your cheese.
A bear and a rabbit are at a bar getting high, smoking weed, talking about nothing but lies and straight up garbage.
And then the bear starts to drink too much damn liquor, gets drunk, and asks the rabbit, "Can I have one more scotch, pretty please?"
And the rabbit says, "Hell to the naw, I'm not about to carry your drunk ass home with me and smell your breath."
"I hate when people make 9/11 jokes because my grandfather died during the Twin Tower attacks. He was the best pilot in Saudi Arabia."
In the new Justice League movie, Flash can break glass by touching it, why is that?
Because Flash is not supported on Windows.
My priest asked if anyone had any questions or anything interesting they wanted to say.
So I raised my hand, he said why don’t you tell everyone what you have to say.
In front of the whole church I said I did not know Jesus Christ was the first scarecrow.
When Mother Teresa went to heaven, she was greeted by Saint Peter with a halo for her dedication to the needy. After walking around for a while, she saw Lady Diana with a bigger halo. She got angry at Lady Diana and went to Saint Peter and asked him why she had a bigger one, and Saint Peter said, "Oh, that’s not a halo, that’s a steering wheel."
Why is 6 afraid of 7?
It’s not. Numbers aren’t sentient and are therefore incapable of feeling fear.
If Stephen Hawking got into a fight, he could not stand up for himself.
A guy walks up to me in the street and asks if you have to include the name of an animal in every sentence. I said only if it's relephant.
He says what about vegetables. I said not nesecelery.
Man: I got fired from my job at the calendar factory.
Lady: What did you do?
Man: I took a day off...
A Mexican is drunk and he has a passenger in the car, and the passenger asked, "Where are we going?"
The Mexican says, "I'm not driving, the drunk guy is."
Got my girlfriend a "get better soon" card. She's not sick, I just think she can do better.
I’m not calling you a slut, I’m calling you a penny.
Two-faced, worthless, and in everyone’s pants!