Not jokes

A Japanese, Hispanic, and Iraqi man are in a plane. The Japanese man drops a bowl off of it and shouts "I love my country!" Then the Hispanic man drops a burrito off the side and shouts, "I love my country!" Finally, the Iraqi man drops a bomb and shouts, "I love my country!"

Not much longer on, a man walks by a boy who is sitting by a crater laughing non-stop. And the man asks, "What's so funny?" And the boy says "When I farted, my house blew up!"

What does NASA stand for?

Not Another Strong Astronaut.

What do you call a girl with no legs? Sarah.

What do you call an Olympic gold medalist skiing? Not Sarah.

I told my wife she was drawing her eyebrows too high.

She looked at me surprised.

(P.S. I am not at that age plus I am as straight as a helix ruler.)

Most people my age have had sex. Not my fault I'm not able to fit in.

Rape is no laughing matter. The reason why women are not believed in rape is because of you mother fucking shitbirds with no future who will become drunkards and drug dealers who go broke and live on the street getting hit by a fucking car. Fuck all of you sadists who think this kind of shit is funny, well shut the fuck up. Go jump off a bridge or get hit by car and I hope you fucking sickos die.

Stop rape. Stop rappe. Stop rapibg innocent children and women and men. I am done with rape. I am done with it!

What do you call dead?

(Not Michael Jackson)

Why do seagulls fly over the sea and not the bay?

Because then they would be called bagels! 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂

I made a website for orphans. You know what I did not add? A home page.

In the new Justice League movie, Flash can break glass by touching it, why is that?

Because Flash is not supported on Windows.

John: Hi, boss, it is raining heavily today, so I will not be coming.

Boss: You stated in your job application that swimming was your hobby, so see you at 11 AM.

A piece of toast and a hard boiled egg walked into a bar. The bartender says, "Sorry, we don't serve breakfast here."

That is not a joke hahahahhaha.

This is NOT my joke. I found it on Google. It's a texting joke.

Mom: Son, your grandma just passed away LOL.

Son: Mom, what do you mean LOL? That means laughing out loud.

Mom: Oh no, I thought that meant lots of love. I have to text everyone back!!!!

What's one thing that you can say about a train, but not your girlfriend?

I was walking home when I saw children crossing the street on their own. I went towards him and tapped his shoulder and said, "Hey, little kid, you are not supposed to be walking on your own." The kid turns out to be a dwarf.

Yo mama's so fat, there's not enough yo mama's so fat jokes to tell how fat she is.

Kurt Cobain didn't mean to kill himself. He was just so high he thought the shotgun was a bong.

His lyrics are so ironic but so true. "I'm not coming back". "I swear I don't have a gun."

I want to die peacefully in my sleep like my grandfather did. Not screaming in terror like the passengers in his car.

Me: Help, I'm stuck in a trap.

Friend: What kind?

Me: It's called life. Yeah, I've been trying to get out of it for six years now, it just won't let me go.

Friend: That's not funny..

Me: Yeah? Nor is wanting to die, yet I'm still over here laughing every time I try to.

Friend: I'm calling your mom.

Me: She knows.

Friend: What's she doing to help, then?

Me: She's supposed to help?

Friend: Have you told your dad?

Me: I will when he comes back.

Friend: Where is he?

Me: I don't know, he's been gone for 15 years.

Friend: ....

Me: What?

Friend: Why?

Me: Why what?

Friend: Why would you joke like that?

Me: I was joking..

Friend: I know.

Me: Oh. I didn't know.

Friend:...

Me: Have a nice day, I'll see you tomorrow... Maybe...