Not jokes
Why was the orphan walking through the neighborhood? I don't know, either. It's not like he has a home to go to.
Why did Sally fall off the swing?
She had no arms.
Why couldn't she get up?
She had no friends.
Knock Knock (Who's there?)
Not Sally...
Why did the depressed person rob a bank? Because you're not killing yourself if a cop does it for you!
What do you call a Mexican midget?
A paragraph, because he’s not a full Esé.
"Dude, can you believe Republicans are opposed to homosexuality, women's rights, and immigration, yet they are silent when it comes to incest and child molestation?"
"Well, I'm not surprised. Republicans have to win the Alabama vote, or else."
What did the kid with no arms get for Christmas?
A pair of gloves!
Nah, I’m not that mean, he’s still trying to open his presents.
What is the difference between a woman performing anilingus on a man and a woman performing fellatio on a man?
If a woman is performing anilingus on a man, it is not classified as heterosexual sodomy, you fucking idiot!!!!
What is long and not hairy?
The conga line in the cancer department.
People keep telling me that I should stop making sh jokes... bro it's not that deep.
I was talking to this absolutely gorgeous woman, and I asked her, “What do you do?” And she said, “I’m a brain surgeon.” And I don’t know if this makes me sexist or not, but I was really impressed.
Most women can’t pull off sarcasm.
I have a joke about time travel, but I'm not gonna share it. You guys didn't like it.
What were Steven Hawking's last words?
Error 404 File Not Found.
Chuck Norris sleeps with the light on, not because he is afraid of the darkness, but because the darkness is afraid of him.
"I'm not sure why my girlfriend's father doesn't like me."
"What was your first impression on him?"
"I told him, she calls me daddy too."
Boys: “Hey, can Billy come out and play baseball?”
Mom: “That’s not funny, you know Billy doesn’t have any arms and legs.”
Boys: “I know, we need a third base.”
A man walks up to a priest. The man says, "I am Jesus Christ." The priest says, "No, you are not my son." The man says, "Follow me." The man walks into a bar, and the bartender says, "Jesus Christ, you're back!"
An ugly, arrogant woman walked into a store with her 2 kids, yelling at them.
The store clerk pleasantly said, "Good morning ma'am and welcome. Nice children, are they twins?"
The ugly woman stopped yelling and said, "Hell no they are not, one is 9 and the other is 7. Why the hell would you think they're twins? Are you blind, or just bloody stupid?"
The clerk replied, "I'm neither blind nor stupid ma'am, I just can't believe someone would screw you twice."
This boy was in school one day when he became desperate to go to the bathroom.
So he asked the teacher, "May I use the bathroom?"
The teacher replied, "No, not unless you say your alphabet."
So the boy said "a b c d e f g h i j k l m n o q r s t u v w x y z."
When he finished, the teacher asked him, "Where's the p?"
The boy replied, "Half way down my leg..."
Bully: "I would roast you but my mom told me not to burn trash."
Me: "So that's why you haven't burnt yourself yet." 🤔
One day the teacher said, "There are 3 birds on a wire, a shooter shoots one. How many are left?" The teacher calls on lil Johnny. "None," the teacher said, "no but try again." Lil Johnny says, "None, because if you shoot one the rest get scared and leave." The teacher said, "Not quite, but I like the way you think."
Lil Johnny then says, "Alright teacher, I have one for you. There are 3 women sitting on a bench, one's sucking it, the other is licking it, and the last one is biting it. Which one is married?" The teacher then says, "The one sucking it, of course!" Lil Johnny then says, "No, the one with the ring, but I like the way you think!"