"Come on, man, give the orphans a break with these jokes."
"No, not until their parents pick them up."
Because of all the rampant inbreeding in America, it's not a surprise that Hollywood had to poach models, comedians, and actors from Canada and Australia.
"Dude, can you believe Republicans are opposed to homosexuality, women's rights, and immigration, yet they are silent when it comes to incest and child molestation?"
"Well, I'm not surprised. Republicans have to win the Alabama vote, or else."
Friend #1: "Yo guys, what's the most unfair game you've ever played? For me it's Fortnite."
Friend #2: "I'd have to say Monopoly."
Me: "The most unfair game you say? Life, definitely. Like, no one wins, it's a one-way game."
Friend #2: "Uhh...that's not exactly what he meant..."
Friend #1: *calls the suicide hotline*
Circumcision is like getting your dick sucked by a female. If you did not like it when you were a teenager, you probably will not like it when you become an adult.
So, I went out to eat the other day, and the waitress came up to me and asked if I wanted a glass of water. I said, "Yes ma'am." She said, "Oh honey, you don't have to call me ma'am, I'm not that old." I said, "Okay, thanks bitch."
All those people claiming Donald Trump is like Hitler need a reality check.
After all, it's not like Donald Trump could write a book.
A man walks to the window and opens it and pulls out his phone and takes a photo. "One more picture and I'll jump." He takes another photo and shuts the window. "I can't jump, you're not supposed to throw trash out the window."
I saw two men wearing the same clothing and walking together, so I asked both of them if they were gay. They did not hesitate arresting me after I said that.