Not jokes

STORY OF 2 PEOPLE NOT ME:

Girlfriend: What would you do if I won the lottery?

Boyfriend: I would take half and leave you.

Girlfriend: Ok cool. I won 12 dollars here's 6 and don't come back.

Fuck clankers. Wait, not like that.

Friend: Did Jesus die a virgin?

Me: Of course not, he got nailed before he died.

Your hairline is so big, not even a black hole can eat it!

When it's not just a phase and you kill yourself to prove it.

Why can an orphan not do school work?

Because they have to take their work home to their parents.

I was bullying Stephen Hawking. I told him, "Why not stand up for yourself?"

Why did the pumpkin man not go to the party? He had his hand stuck in a treasure chest.

Little Johnny has no arms. Knock, knock, who's there?

Not Johnny.

Some kid with parents: "Knock, knock."

Orphan: "Who's there?"

Some kid with parents: "Not your parents."

A paradigm are so bad, go away from fast and fast and faster than a rabbit. Once upon a time there was a rabbit who teased a tortoise. The tortoise challenged the rabbit to a race. The race began and the rabbit ran fast as the tortoise walked slow. The rabbit thought the tortoise could not come here so slow, so he decided to take a nap. As he took a nap, the tortoise walked past through him and soon the rabbit woke. He ran as fast as he could, but when he came to the end, the rabbit saw the tortoise and then the rabbit never teased the tortoise again.

How many children does it take to change a lightbulb?

Not 15, as my basement's still dark.

If I make you breakfast in bed, a simple 'thank you' is all I need.

Not all this 'How did you get in my house?' business.

Tj if you don't stop trying to ruin Gwen and Prince's relationship then I will scream!!!!!!!!!!

It's some dumb faker and what point of she just wants to be your friend do not understand!

Everyone says "no homo," why do gays not say "no hetero?"

A suicide bomber's biggest fear is not exploding.

What did the cell say when it was dividing?

"It's not you, it's me."

Why can orphans not play baseball?

Because they can't find home.

What could've the Towers done to not start 9/11?

Call 911.

The Ruler of Varvona wanted a fruitcake, but his subjects showed up at his castle with a Christian instead.

And he said: "NO, NO, NO! YOU IMBECILES! NOT THAT KIND OF FRUITCAKE!"