I saw a sign the other day that said "Maximum penalty for smoking is £1,000" But that's not right. Surely the maximum penalty for smoking is Death.
This joke includes potentially sensitive content.
A child with cancer: I want to be like you when I grow up. Doctor: Oh your not going to grow up.
This joke includes potentially sensitive content.
Why did the skeleton not rob the bank?
He did not have the guts!
Three men are outside Heaven's gates waiting to be go to through Heaven. The angel at the gate tells them "Depending on the length of time and your faithfulness to your last partner decides your way across the bridge to Heaven".
The first guy says "I was with my wife for 5 years and cheated 3 times". The angel gives him an old model pick up, the second guy says "11 years and only once" and is granted a Mercedes.
The last man says "20 years and not once , I loved her with all my heart" and with the angel impressed he gets a gold edition Lamborghini and sets off ahead of the other two men. Hours later the two men catch up to him crying behind the wheel and one says " I know we are dead but it could be much worse".
The guy looks up and says "How! I just went past my wife on a skateboard"
Error code 404 "Will to live" not found
Smileandtalk.exe has stopped working
This joke includes potentially sensitive content.
⚠️I’m not racist it’s just a joke⚠️
What do you call four black ppl in a sleeping bag ...... A Kit Kat
This joke includes potentially sensitive content.
This joke includes potentially sensitive content.
A man walks into a diner one day, walks up to the counter, and proceeds to order a bowl a chili.
The waitress says that the man sitting next to him just ordered the last bowl they had. That man was just sitting there, not eating the chili.
After watching him not eating for a while, the first man asks him, "Are you going to eat that?"
The second man replies, "No, you can have it if you want."
So the first man takes the bowl and starts eating.
About halfway through the bowl, he's chewing when he feels a crunch. He looks down only to see half a dead rat sitting in the chili.
He immediately throws all of it up, back into the bowl.
The second man looks at him and says, "Yeah, that's about as far as I got too."
They should add an eleventh commandment to the Bible:
Thou shalt not f... altar boys
So what if I can’t spell Armageddon? It’s not the end of the world
Famous last words:
"Don't worry man, it's not even loaded."
I’m not saying I hate you. But if you got hit by a bus I’d be driving that bus.
whats the one thing me and the new years ball have in common
its not gonna be the only thing falling 50 stories this new years
An old woman goes to the doctor complaining of extremely smelly gas. "I don't understand it, Doc", she said, "I have this terrible, terrible gas". "Thankfully", she added, "they are at least silent when I fart". Doctor hands her a bottle of pills, tells her take them all and then come back to see him. The old woman returned a short time later extremely mad. "I took those pills like you said and not only is my gas smelly, but now when I fart they are obnoxiously loud!", she yelled. The doctor said, "well, now that we've solved your hearing problem, let's see what we can do about that gas".
A police officer writes a ticket for a car not being parked correctly. The driver asks why. When he realizes he is parked poorly, he responds "Oh. I'm terribly sorry. You see, I'm so gay I can't even park straight."
This joke includes potentially sensitive content.
