Not jokes

Some jokes are best left not harassed by those who are offended by them.

For I have everyone's IP address.

Yo mama so fat, she stand on the scale and the scale says: "I want your weight, not your phone number!"

I love these orphan jokes. It's not like they're gonna go tell their parents. ☠

Little April was not the best student in Sunday school. Usually she slept through the class.

One day the teacher called on her while she was napping, “Tell me, April, who created the universe?” When April didn’t stir, little Johnny, a boy seated in the chair behind her, took a pin and jabbed her in the rear. “GOD ALMIGHTY!” shouted April and the teacher said, “Very good,” and April fell back asleep.

A while later the teacher asked April, “Who is our Lord and Savior?” But, April didn’t even stir from her slumber. Once again, Johnny came to the rescue and stuck her again. “JESUS CHRIST!” shouted April and the teacher said, “very good,” and April fell back to sleep.

Then the teacher asked April a third question. “What did Eve say to Adam after she had her twenty-third child?” And again, Johnny jabbed her with the pin. This time April jumped up and shouted, “IF YOU STICK THAT F*****G THING IN ME ONE MORE TIME, I’LL BREAK IT IN HALF AND STICK IT UP YOUR ARSE!” The Teacher fainted.

Stephen's not dead; his WiFi is slow.

When I found out that 10 billion bowls of soup are consumed each year in AMERICA, I thought to myself, "I thought soup was healthy. Apparently not!"

When I got to you and I was android and we were all in Minecraft for the last two years and we had the same problem UI with you anymore but you can see it on Instagram that it is not a real time thing or a android.

9: I am higher than you.

8: No, you're not!

(8 flips to his side)

Why was the math book sad?

Because it had too many PROBLEMS and not enough RAP.

Emo: Phone die.

Emo: Why not me? ;(

Jayden March, a name so bold, Never knew the joy of cookies untold. In a world of sugar and sweet delight, He stood apart, an unusual sight.

While others indulged in sugary bliss, Jayden abstained, dismissing the kiss Of chocolate chips and dough so divine, His willpower strong, his resolve intertwined.

No oatmeal raisin or double fudge, Could tempt his taste buds, not even a nudge. For Jayden March, a different path he took, In a world of cookies, he never partook.

His reasons unknown, a mystery untold, Perhaps he sought something purer than gold. Or maybe he craved a different kind of treat, One that couldn't be found in a cookie sheet.

But as the years passed by, curiosity grew, Whispers of wonder, questions anew. Why did Jayden March deny such delight? Was there a secret hidden in his resolute fight?

Some say he found solace in nature's embrace, In the rustle of leaves and the wind's gentle pace. Others believed his heart sought a different reward, In acts of kindness, love freely poured.

Jayden March, a man of mystery and grace, Marched to a beat only he could embrace. In a world of cookies, he found his own way, Leaving us wondering, pondering day by day.

For though he never tasted the sweetness of a treat, Jayden March's story remains incomplete. A reminder to us all, to explore and define, Our own desires, our own paths to find.

So let us celebrate Jayden's unique choice, And listen to the whisper of our own inner voice. For in a world of cookies, may we remember, That sometimes it's the journey, not the taste, we treasure.

Have you heard the saying, "One man's trash is another man's treasure"? Great saying.

Not so great way to find out you are adopted.

How much you wanna bet you will not repeat my name out loud (at school/work)?

Let's stop this, it's not funny. Oh wait, the orphans are all gone with nobody. 😂

My sister's boyfriend was coming around for Christmas Day. He had the option of two birds to tuck into: Turkey or Goose.

I said, "Are you not satisfied with my sister, who is literally handing herself on a plate to you?!"

I've got something better for all of you. I may not have found it, but Google "hottest sexiest women ever." Then you'll want them!

Why did the three 23s not go to the orphanage?

Because they already 69'd.

Why do you have to pay to see Russian people?

Because the zoo is not free, Duhhhhh🙄

Period: Guess who’s back... back again...

Me: Ugh, can we not do this today?

Period: I can come back in 9 months?

Me: Keep fucking singing.

Bob the Golden Retriever and Lily the Husky were talking at Bob's house.

Lily: Bob, do you think I'm fat?

Bob: No, Lily, of course not! You're just a little husky!!!! Lol. Golden Retrievers are funny.