Not jokes
What do orphans and apples not have in common... The apples get picked up.
Stacy: Honey, I'm kinda new to texting, what does lol mean?
Justin: I'm not sure, "lots of love," I guess.
Margaret: Stacy, are you there? I don't know if you heard, but Amber and her three kids were killed in a car crash this morning. I'm in total shock!
Stacy: lol
Why can’t orphans be criminals?
Because they’re not wanted.
Stephen Hawking, more like Stephens not walking.
This is not a joke.
Why could you not hear the dinosaur clap? Because it's dead.
What did the fish say to the other fish when it got hooked?
"That's what you get for not keeping your mouth shut."
Why did the boy not cross the road?
Because he was on thin ice.
What step did the DNA not take in his math equation?
He forgot to adenine!
What do you get if you do not eat? Dry.
Friend: What goes up but not down?
You: Your age.
What did the funny bone say to the skin?
"You're not humerus, I am!"
Hey Evan, this is Dad. Ya, I’m still not home.
This is not a joke. This is not a joke.
Danny just bought a new game from Steam for a penny.
About one hour later, Danny asks his mother: "Mom, I am not able to start the game."
Mom asked, "Why?"
Danny answers: "It says 'Press any key' on the screen, but I can't find an 'Any' button on my keyboard."
Life’s not a game... but if it was, some people would still be stuck on the tutorial.
Q. What do you call a baby with anencephaly? A. Anything you want, it's not like it's gonna answer you.
Are you gay? "No." Oh, so you're not happy? "No." Oh...
What does Marine stand for?
Muscles Are Required, Intelligence Not Expected.
What is the difference between a microwave and a basket?
The microwave oven does not explode within the set time.