Not jokes
Nazis have marched in Melbourne. Are you sure Eric Clapton and Carrie Underwood are not touring in Australia?
Advice to the Clown telling all of the "Orphan Jokes":
If it's NOT "Funny", then DON'T POST IT!
Flex tape can fix a sawed-in-half boat. Then how the f*** can it not fix the Titanic when it broke in half? Tell me!
Friend: Hi.
Me: Do you know how lost their dad is?
Friend: Me?
Me: Damn, no, not you.
Friend: Then who?
Me: The orphan kid.
I guess we're the same.
It's not a hate crime if you don't hate the person.
It's not a war crime if no one's alive to report it.
You will never see a redneck opposing a war.
He will instead say, "Wait, I get to kill people and it's not illegal? And they're foreigners?"
"It's not a war crime if you invade a country with oil."
-Sun Tzu, Art of War
"You may not rest, there are monsters nearby."
-Sun Tzu, The Art of War.
"It's not a war crime if you win the war."
- Sun Tzu, The Art of War
When an American goes on a scale, the other person will say, "I asked for your weight, not your phone number!"
I want to die peacefully in my sleep like my grandfather did. Not screaming in terror like the passengers in his car.
Knock knock.
Who's there?
Not your parents.
9/11 was a round of Clash of Clans; they knocked down 2 towers, not 3.
Knock knock.
Who’s there?
Not the two Twin Towers.
The power of yeet.
I can't do this - YEET!
I'm not good at this - YEET!
I'm not old enough - YEET!
What's the difference between a Catholic priest and the devil?
The devil always has horns... not just around children.
I’m not a hard drinker. I actually find it pretty easy.
Her: "Land of the free".
Me: *fat*
Her: What do you mean?
Me: It's not fat-free.
If the sun is in space, then why is there light on Earth, but not in space?