Not jokes
What does a knife have but not my life...
A point.
What did the passengers of the plane say when they saw the airplane strip? Nothing, because it was not an airplane strip, but a tower.
Stacy: Honey, I'm kinda new to texting, what does lol mean?
Justin: I'm not sure, "lots of love," I guess.
Margaret: Stacy, are you there? I don't know if you heard, but Amber and her three kids were killed in a car crash this morning. I'm in total shock!
Stacy: lol
Your hairline is so bad, not even God could save it.
Y'all, I'm suspended till Wednesday and can't do much cuz I'm on a tablet, not my computer. Tell autterpop I won't be on till Wednesday or after.
"Hola, soy Dora. Do you see the cliff? Say, "backpack." Tell her that we need Amanda. While I push her off the cliff, you will not peek. Did you just peek? Close your eyes, you silly goose." The end.
You are like a software update. Whenever I see you, I immediately think, "Not now."
Why would a protestant refuse to become a catholic?
Because a protestant is not a homosexual sodomite.
What do orphans and apples not have in common... The apples get picked up.
Your mom is so fat that when she stood on a scale, it said, "We need an actual person, not an elephant!"
My opinion on abortion is very divided. Like, on the one hand, I like the idea of killing babies, but I'm not really into this thing about women being able to make choices.
What do you do when your cat's not home?
Answer: You play with your neighbor's pussy.
Two guys walk into a bar. The third guy ducks.
Be smart, not stupid.
Why is it okay to bully an orphan?
It’s not like they could tell their parents.
Tell the person next to you to spell "me." When they do, say, "You forgot the D." They should respond with, "There is no D in ME." You say, "Not yet." If this does not go as planned, well, then you are fucked for life.
me: calls suicide hotline. hotline lady: suicide hotline, how are you doing today? me: not much, just hanging.
Too many people.
Not enough VooDoo dolls.
Yo mama is so fat when she stepped on the scale, it said, "I need your weight, not your phone number!"
One day, a priest and a nun went to play golf together.
In the first shot, the priest missed his shot and said, "Fuck, I missed it!"
The nun replied, "Hey, you should not curse."
In the second shot, the priest missed his shot again and said, "Fuck, I missed again!"
The nun replied, "Hey, stop swearing, or else God will punish you."
In the next shot, the priest missed once again. He shouted, "Fuck this, this game is bullshit!"
The nun replied, "Enough! God is definitely going to punish you anytime now."
Suddenly, a thunderbolt struck the nun and killed her. The clouds separated from the sky, and there was a voice in the sky saying, "Oh, fuck, I missed!"
My neighbor has been mad at his wife for sunbathing nude. I personally am on the fence.