Nobody jokes
This pastor decided to skip church one Sunday morning and go play golf.
He told his assistant that he wasn't feeling well. He drove to a golf course in another city, so nobody would know him.
He teed off on the first hole. A huge gust of wind caught his ball, carried it an extra hundred yards and dropped it right in the hole, for a 450 yard hole in one.
An angel looked at God and said "What'd you do that for?" God smiled and said "Who's he going to tell?"
My pal asked me why nobody wants to eat the spaghetti he makes in his restaurant.
Well, because it's impastable.
What do you call a man with no body and no nose?
Nobody knows. No body, nose.
A boy asks his father:
"What is politics?"
Father answers:
"It’s very simple! You see, I bring in the money, so I’m big business. Your mother spends the money, so she’s the government.
Your grandfather sees to it that everything is managed in an orderly way. So he’s the law.
Our maid is the working class.
Everything revolves around your interests, so you’re the people. Your little baby brother represents the future."
The boy has to think it over. That night he hears his little brother crying due to a dirty diaper. He doesn’t know what to do, so he goes to the bedroom of his parents. There his mother is sound asleep. He goes to the bedroom of the maid, but his father is there fucking the maid — and oddly enough his grandfather is watching through the window.
Nobody notices the boy and he returns to his bed.
The next day his father asks him:
"So, can you now explain to me what politics is?"
The boy says:
"Yes, it’s all become clear to me!
Big business screws over the working class while the law watches and the government sleeps. The people are ignored and the future lies in shit."
NASA stands for "Nobody Already Seen Astronauts."
We should bully foster parents more for raising parent-less nobodies.
*at school*
Nobody: Do you want nuts?
Me: Wait, you have some?
Nobody: Yeah, they're my own.
Me: :0
Normal person: "I'm perfect!"
Goth person: "Nobody is."
My dumb ass thinking I made a friend, oh ya, I forgot, literally nobody likes me!
Why could the orphan never be gay?
Because he had nobody to call "daddy."
Why do orphans that go to their friend's house get this reaction from the friend's mom:
"Go back to your house, it's late." "Finn, wait, can I have your mom's phone number?" "Finn, wait, aren't you an orphan?" "Wait, don't you have a phone, Finn?" "Wait, I forgot, you don't have a phone because nobody wanted to get you a phone or to get you."
Life is like a bag of jellybeans.
Nobody likes the black ones.
Nobody:
Me: "Nobody:" "Me:"
Why does nobody know that an Octane is a Fennec in disguise?
They have the same hitbox.
I tried to tell an Armenian genocide joke in Istanbul.
Nobody got it.
I killed 5 orphans and tried to sell their organs.
Nobody still wanted them.
Helen Keller is so Helen Keller-y that nobody will be as good as Helen Keller.
I am like mushrooms. Nobody likes me, but everybody tolerates me.
If someone says nobody asked, you could say, "Well, nobody asked for you to talk!"
My teacher says no phones allowed. I say my phone is allowed because I’m nobody, Dania.