Nine months

Nine months jokes

Comeback

    • Bully: Hey virgin!

    Victim: I'm not a virgin, just ask your sister.

    Bully: I don't have a sister, dumbass.

    Victim: Just wait nine months.

  • 9

    • Sister

    • Kid 1: "Hey, I bet you're still a virgin."

    Kid 2: "Yeah, I was a virgin until last night."

    Kid 1: "As if."

    Kid 2: "Yeah, just ask your sister."

    Kid 1: "I don't have a sister."

    Kid 2: "You will in about nine months."

  • 5
    • Nine months memes

    Incest

    • Jack and Jill went up the hill to celebrate their marriage.

    Nine months later, they happily had some use for their baby carriage.

    Two years later, they went up again, then their daughter had a brother.

    But one little secret that no one knew was that Jack and Jill share a mother.

  • 7

    • Rape

    • Jack and Jill went up to an abandoned house.

    Jack drank too much and unzipped his fly. Jack said, "You know you wanna." Jill said, "No." So Jack locked both of them in the house and put a gag in Jill's mouth, tied her to a bed. He ripped off her dress and underwear. He took off his pants and his underwear too, then put on a condom. He then put a pill in her mouth and made her swallow. One minute later she was asleep. He took off her gag and mounted himself on her, then stuck his "candystick" in her mouth, next her fanny. Then his condom broke, but he was too drunk to notice. Nine months later a baby's born and Jack's in jail as the father.

  • 2

    • Lockdown

    • Just before lockdown began, a woman took her 15-year-old son, Tom, and 14, 16, and 18-year-old daughters Sally, Mary, and Annie and went to the family cabin in the mountains to wait it out, while her husband stayed in town as an essential worker.

    The weekly family Zoom call went well enough...until the 8th week when the father noticed the 14-year-old was looking a little...plump. By the 20th week, the 16-year-old's shirt was starting to pull taut over her tummy, by the 25th the curve of the 18-year-old's belly was rising over the edge of the table her laptop was perched on, and by the 30th week his wife and all 3 girls were very obviously 6 months pregnant, and the poor 14-year-old was so huge she was obviously having triplets.

    So the father waited until he'd talked to his wife and daughters, and then asked if he could talk to his son alone.

    "Look, I know your mom and the girls are all pregnant. I'm not mad, I just want to know how it happened. We don't have any neighbors up at the cabin, did you break quarantine and invite some hikers in, or go into town for supplies?"

    "No, Pop, we haven't seen anyone since we left the city," his son told him earnestly. "And we sure haven't gone into town for supplies, I ran out of condoms on the second day here!"

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