Worst Jokes Ever

My wife called me a pedophile. That is a big word for a 2 year old.

How many women does it take to change a light bulb?

None, they can't change anything.

What is an orphan's favorite Marvel movie?

"Spider-Man: No Way Home."

Is it a bird? Is it a plane?

I don't know, but it's coming for the towers.

What did the plane say to the twin towers?

Wanna play Jenga?

What do you call an orphan when they eat a meal? A family dinner.

How do you make a pool table laugh? Tickle its balls.

Why are orphans good at being a criminal?

Because they're not wanted.

Your hairline goes so far back your mom can't even reach it.

I saw a girl crying. I asked her where her parents were, and she started to cry even more.

Man, I love working in the orphanage.

An orphan boy at my school did really badly on a test and started crying. I said, “Don’t worry, your parents won’t say anything.”

What's an orphan's least favorite meme? "Family."

Girl: Come over.

Orphan: I can’t.

Girl: My parents aren’t home.

Orphan: Oh, cool, something we have in common.

What's the difference between a puppy and an orphan?

Puppies get adopted.

What is an orphan's least favorite store? Home Depot.

Q. Why didn't Tracy Latimer enjoy her trip to Vancouver?

A. She had to go to GasTown.

Mom: That's why your dad left you.

Me: Why?

Mom: I mean look at you, depressed, suicidal, and unhappy, always anxious, and other mental health issues.

Me: How is that my fault? You are a rude mom!

Mom: Your dad had a heart attack two weeks before you were born, because you are ugly!

(This actually did happen in real life.)

Waitress: What can I get for you?

Me: I'll have a steak.

Waitress: How would you like it?

Me: Immediately!

My friend and I were joking about a kid in a wheelchair, and another kid came up and said to the wheelchair kid, "You should stand up for yourself."

*gets hit by a car*

Passerby: "ARE YOU OKAY?"

Me: "Please...I need my...phone."

*opens twitter*

Me: "LMFAOOOOOOO YALL GUESS WHAT"