Worst Jokes Ever
What do you call a pen with no head?
DeCAPitated.
A man walks into a bar and notices a steak hanging from the ceiling. When he asks the bartender about it, the bartender says, "If you can jump up and hit it, drinks are on the house for the night, but if you miss, everyone's drinks are on your tab for the next two hours. Do you want to try?" The man decided not to take the risk. He thought the steaks were too high.
I would tell you a construction pun, but I'm still working on it.
Kevin Woody (look him up)
Your mum!
Why would hunting a bald eagle in America be a bad idea?
Because it's ill-eagle.
What's 6ft long, red, and my girlfriend cries when I feed it to her?
A miscarriage.
So, I was fucking my daughter the other day and my wife walked in... I don't know what was funnier: the look on her face, or that the abortion clinic let me keep her.
I was at the bar with a friend, and he said to me, "Veronica, I just stopped a rape." The bartender overheard him and had a puzzled look on his face, because he never moved. He then said, "I saw this girl walk into the bathroom, and I decided not to go."
Kill yourself, hoes!
So I was eating this girl out the other day, and I GOT AIDS. How does a 9-year-old give me AIDS? I guess my sister was hanging around the wrong crowd.
How many babies does it take to paint a wall?
Depends on how hard you throw them.
Hear about the restaurant called karma? There is no menu: You get what you deserve.
Why did the blind man fall down the well?
He just couldn't see that well.
A German soldier is walking down the street during a hail storm when a lady suddenly falls over after being hit. He, along with a few others, walk over to her. One man asks, "What happened?" and the soldier replies, "Hail hit her."
"Florida was ranked the worst state in the 50 states by Thriller."
Florida: Well, WE didn't want to give our oranges anyway!
How to treat someone who’s lesbian, gay, queer, transgender or bisexual?
The same way that you would treat anybody else, you homophobic bastard.
I used to have a fear of hurdles.
But I got over it.
I entered ten puns into a contest to see which one would win.
No pun in ten did.
Where do mathematicians go to die?
The symmetry.