Worst Jokes Ever
What do an abortion and a baby have in common?
The mom doesn't want either of them.
Mathew is gay. Clap.
A man dies, and his friend is invited to his funeral.
This friend asks his wife, "Can I say a word?"
"Of course," she says.
The man stands up and says, "Plethora!"
The man's wife says, "Thanks, it means a lot!"
Why is six afraid of seven?
Seven is a registered six-offender.
What kind of punch hurts a kid the most?
A sandy hook.
"Don't forget you are what you eat," said one person. "Then I should eat a skinny person!" said the other.
Stephen Hawking isn't dead, he's just can't walk to the shop and get new batteries. 🙄
What do you get when you cross an octopus with a Mexican?
I don't know, but man can it pick lettuce.
What do you call someone that looks like Stephen Hawkins and is a space head? Byron Davey.
"Rueben Glover is a Steven Hawking spastic."
What did the cannibal do after he dumped his girlfriend?
He wiped his butt.
A mother and her 7 year old child are walking in the grocery store. The young boy then screams to a random woman “you're an ugly bitch.”
The mother grabs her son and says, “I’m so sorry, I must have told him a thousand of times to not judge people on how they look."
An apple and an emo kid fall off a tree at the same time. Who hits the ground first?
The apple, because the emo kid got caught by the rope.
How many babies does it take to paint a wall?
Depends on how hard you throw them, with fuck.
My ex got into a bad accident recently. I told the doctors the wrong blood type. Now she will really know what rejection feels like.
Anyone know how to get an A on the "An Inspector Calls" section of the GCSE paper?
How do we know that Princess Diana had dandruff?
Because they found her head and shoulders in the glovebox.
The doctor says to the woman, "There was good and bad news." The woman says she wants the bad news first. The doctor says, "The bad news is the baby had red hair." Then he said, "The good news is, it is dead."
You're so poor you stink like poo-poo in your doo-doo.
Your mum is so poor, she can't afford free samples.