Worst Jokes Ever

I used to work at a bank, then I lost interest.

I used to work at a bank, then I lost interest.

Batman vs Superman?

So, a kid walks in the house and says, "Mommy, Mommy, I found daddy!" And the mother says, "Stop digging around in the garden, and let your father rest in peace."

I'll never forget how my grandmother died. "This lemonade tastes like bleach..."

I told my mother I'm a sexy cunt. She said, "No, you got cancer, you twat."

My mother said I'm sexy. I said no, I have cancer.

Why didn’t the construction worker build a bridge?

He was scared to get across.

Me: Hey dad, I'm in debt, my dick got cut off, I have depression, and I am suicidal!

Dad: Hi in debt, my dick got cut off, I have depression, and I am suicidal! I'm dad!

How do you fit three flags on a bar stool?

Flip it over!

Did you know that, statistically, 1 in 10 people live next door to a pedophile? Not me though, not me though; I live next door to a lil 10 year old boy with a FAT ASS yenno what I'm sayin'???

Why is the elephant headed God the true God?

Because he doesn't exist!

How do you get 50 babies into a car?

You blend them.

I was at the store during a storm one time. I guess you could say it was story.

What is the opposite of salt water?

Pepper water.

Chuck Norris doesn't ride horses.

Horses ride him.

John: Hi, boss, it is raining heavily today, so I will not be coming.

Boss: You stated in your job application that swimming was your hobby, so see you at 11 AM.

Don’t worry if you have a stroke.

You’ll be all right.

Only one band is capable of affording the insurance on supercars. UB40!

What's the difference between a Catholic Priest and a pedophile?

One is Catholic.