Religion... That is all.
Tonight I'll be eating freshly grown pork cutlets with a fresh juicy amount of Poké Balls.
Do you get what I am trying to poke out?
Suicide is illegal because it's a crime to destroy government property.
A man and a woman get married. The woman was a retired hooker. The man was a poet.
The man said as they did 69, "You taste better than my most delicious gourmet meal." The woman said, "Well, you aren’t too bad either, but the best 69 I’ve gotten and given was Harry. He did it for 24 hours nonstop." They got divorced that night.
Hogwarts is making a new condom. It's called "fetus deletus."
Why is 7 afraid of 6?
Because 7 is a vegetarian and 6 is a cannibal.
What is big, annoying, and full of blubber?
90% of America's population.
"Roses are red. Violets are red. My parents' bed is red. Oh shit, I set the house on fire!"
Q: What do priests have in common with McDonald's?
A: They both put their meat in 13-year-old buns.
Why do tigers have stripes? They don't want to be spotted.
Why are ant colonies very healthy? Because they have lots of antibodies.
What's the difference between an onion and a baby?
One makes you cry when you cut it up.
Cock cock, who's there? Nobody.
The person to make the first cannabinol cookbook had a wife and ate (eight) children.
I ate the last of my Egyptian food, and now I falafel. I don't know why I made that joke. Probably just becuscus.
What do you get when an American talks to an Aussie and a Kiwi?
Two Aussie.
Q: What do you call a cow with only two legs?
A: Lean meat.
What's the opposite of Christopher Reeve?
Christopher Walken.
What did the frog say to the pedophile?
My girlfriend broke up with me because I have a small dick. Too bad for her, because I give good sex.
