Ever since I needed a wheelchair, my husband has been so rude. He’s been pushing me around and talking behind my back.
My friend Arid asked me what I did over the weekend. I told him, "I read."
Get it? I read? No... ok.
What's black, white, and "read" all over?
A zebra after a lion is full.
Hello, Brudas, my name Badabeeyeabolamazoqanba. I, forty-eight-year man from Somalia. Sorry for bad England. I sold my wife for internet connect, and I am level thirteen in Roblacks. If you want to get batter in Roblacks, contact me at Gmail@borakoobama. Send me your bank account information and password. Than I well give you all the cotton you desire. Sorry for bad spelling. I kindergarden dropout.
Q: What's the difference between an egg and me?
A: An egg gets laid.
Freddie Mercury was on top of the music world. That's only the 2nd thing he was a top in.
Stephen Hawking:
Q: Who Made Stephen Hawkins' Wheel Chair?
A:) Tesla
Roll your eyes back, you might find a brain back there.
Looks like McSkillet McKilledIt.
Gun control...
What's yellow and can't swim?
A bus full of children.
You are the joke.
How many feminists does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Infinite because feminists can't solve problems.
What's a convict's favorite chore?
Weeding.
What's a lesbian's favorite type of food?
Finger-food.
Why did the chicken cross the road? To get to the knucklehead's house...
Knock knock. Who's there? The chicken.
Premise 1: IF God exists, he exists.
Premise 2: If God exists, he exists.
Premise 3: IF God exists, he definitely exists.
Conclusion: Therefore he exists.
I like my women how I like my wine: 12 years old and locked in a cellar.
Two friends who've been bros for forever see each other in Wal-Mart in the card section. The first guy asks what he got his wife for her birthday. The second guy tells him he got her a Maserati and a card. The first guy tells him he got his wife a card and a dildo for her birthday.
The second guy asks why he got his wife a dildo for her birthday. The first guy says, "If she doesn't like the card I got her, then she can go fuck herself!"
What did Allah say when he created the universe?
-Allahu akbar!!!
