Worst Jokes Ever
So, a guy walks into a bar, and he tells the bartender, "After this last drink, I'm going to the roof to kill myself." A guy sitting next to him says, "I wouldn't do that if I were you." in which the man replies, "Oh yeah?" So, they both take their shots and go up to the roof. The guy says, "You're not gonna die, watch this!" He jumps off the roof and comes back up. The man rubs his eyes and tells him to go it again. He comes down and comes back up. The man says, "Cool, let me try!" and he jumps down only to kill himself. The guy goes back to the bar, and the bartender says, "Superman, you're an asshole."
How did the skeleton know it was about to rain?
"Because he felt it in his bones?"
No,
He read the weather app, you idiot.
There was a kidnapping at school.
Don't worry, he woke up.
I bought a wooden whistle, but it wooden whistle.
So I bought a steel whistle, but it steel wooden whistle.
So THEN I bought a LED whistle but it steel wooden LED me whistle.
Stephen Hawking, more like Stephens not walking.
Fanta Klare Zitrone is cool.
How many Africans does it take to change a light?
A water bottle.
What's the difference between a rock and a dead baby?
You can't fuck a rock.
Did you hear about the restaurant on the moon? Great food, no atmosphere.
My sister argued with me that you can't make a car out of spaghetti. You should have seen her face when I drove pasta!
A man went to the doctor, and the doctor said, "What happened to you?"
The man replied and said, "I broke my arm in two places!"
Then the doctor replied with, "DON’T GO BACK TO THOSE TWO PLACES!!"
What time did the man go to the dentist at? Two-thirty.
How do you find Will Smith in the snow?
You look for the fresh prints.
I made a website for orphans.
It has no homepage.
What's the city with the fastest growing population?
Ireland, cuz it's Dublin everyday!
Why does Kurt Cobain hate his brother?
Because he's always calling shotgun.
I bought a new shotgun the other day. Want to know what I called it?
Kurt Cobain's microphone.
What has more brains than Kurt Cobain?
The wall behind him :)
What's better than throwing dead babes?
Catching them after with a pitchfork.
How do you stop a baby from crawling around in circles?
You nail its other hand to the ground.