Worst Jokes Ever
What is the similar thing between alcohol and anal sex?
They are not for kids.
A man walks into a bar with an alligator. He says to the bartender, "I have a deal, if I can hold my dick in the alligator's mouth for a minute without it biting, you owe me one drink." And so the bartender agreed.
The man, like he said, had his dick in the alligator's mouth for one minute without it biting, and the bartender gave him a drink. He made another deal, but for two minutes and for two drinks. Sure enough, he was able to do it and he drank his drinks. Then he did it for five minutes and five drinks. He did it and drank his drinks. Then he said to the amazed crowd, "Would anyone like to volunteer?" One man raised his hand. He walked up to the man with the alligator and said, "Just a warning, I don't think I can hold my mouth open that long."
You wanna know what I want for Christmas? My dad to come back with the milk he said he was gonna get.
Alien vs Predator.
Cosby vs E.T.
Roses are red, the sky is blue, what do you do? Oh, never mind, I'm not homo like you.
What did one tree say to the tree that was a bully? "LEAF me alone."
Police: Where do you live? Blonde: With my parents. Police: Where do your parents live? Blonde: With me. Police: Where do you all live? Blonde: Together. Police: Where is your house? Blonde: Next to my neighbor's house. Police: Where is your neighbor's house? Blonde: If I tell you, you won't believe me. Police: Tell me. Blonde: Next to my house.
What's the difference between my dad and a hooker?
Hookers come back.
I was boiling some water and said, "Water, you will be mist!"
Two Timetravers walk into a bar...
...the bartender then said, "Sorry, we don't serve Timetravers here."
What do you call a sad, depressed artist? Anything but "Cows of Woe".
My face.
Q: Why did the family want to move out while the neighbors were playing tennis?
A: Because they were a racquet!
What is it called if your mom does not make it to your birth?...
An abortion.
The joke is me.
Why does air not come down? I think gravity didn't like the Facebook page of air.
What did the skeleton say after dinner?
Bon appétit!
What do you call a magic owl? Hoo-dini.
What did one skeleton say to the other?
Skeleton 1: "I need a hand!"
Skeleton 2: (Throws up hand)
Skeleton 1: "That wasn't very humerus."
Skeleton 2: "Why do you have to be so heartless?"
Skeleton 1: "At least I had the guts to tell you!"
Why can't gay people play Baseball? They can't throw the ball straight.