What do you call a cow that doesn't stop shaking?
A milkshake.
There were three men in a car: the driver, a homeless man, and a rapper. The driver takes them to the woods and says, "I'm not really a cab driver, I'm a wanted killer." The homeless man says, "I'm not really homeless," and pulls out a chain. The rapper says, "If we're gonna be completely honest, I'm not a rapper, I'm a cop!"
What's the best way to cure the hiccups? Suicide.
Fart jokes are so popular because they are real stinkers.
Why did the fish cross the sea?
To get to the other tide! š š š
Iām happy to be with my EA when I go to school.
What animal do you always find at a baseball game? A bat.
What happens if you mix the two names "Shannon" and "Stephanie"? You have the name "Shanny."
What do chickens play in the pool? Marco Polo.
I love the letters of the alphabet.
What falls and never gets hurt? Snow.
What sound does a nut make when it sneezes? Cashew.
I started beating my washing machine because it wasn't working, my wife started crying.
What did the processor say when it was being overclocked?
"Stop it! It hertz so much!"
Police: Where do you live?
Me: With my parents.
Police: Where do your parents live?
Me: With me.
Police: Where do you all live?
Me: Together.
Police: Where is your house?
Me: Next to my neighbor's house.
Police: Where is your neighbor's house?
Me: If I tell you, you won't believe me.
Police: Tell me.
Me: Next to my house.
Police: *Arrests me*
What's the difference between you and me? You're not strangling a man with a cloak on.
A guy was on trial for murder, and if convicted, would get the electric chair. His brother found out that a redneck was on the jury and figured he would be the one to bribe. He told the redneck that he would be paid $10,000 if he could convince the rest of the jury to reduce the charge to manslaughter.
The jury was out an entire week and returned with a verdict of manslaughter.
After the trial, the brother went to the redneck's house, told him what a great job he had done, and paid him the $10,000.
The redneck replied that it wasn't easy to convince the rest of the jury to change the charge to manslaughter. They all thought he was not guilty and wanted to let him go.
Where was Stephen Hawking buried?
In a black hole. šš¤£
Why did Stephen Hawking die? He ran out of data.
There are 4 people in a line. Three stand up and say "We are standing up for cancer," and then there's the one in the wheelchair.
