I'm telling my kids that in 2020 I survived world war 3, the zombie apocalypse, the invasion of the murder hornets, and the second American revolution.
I got kicked out of the school library for placing a women's rights book in the fiction section.
What’s the most expensive haircut?
Chemotherapy.
So dark.
Many jokes about orphans.
God, this is the second worst thing to happen to these orphans!
Why wasn’t the frog 🐸 crying?
Because he was hoppy.
I smell ice a mile. Titanic, I want to iceberg.
Get a fucking life, you horny bastards!
Do I sit broken-hearted?
I came to sh*t and only farted.
Hey, you have something on your chin, no the 3rd one down.
Q: What's the first day of the week in outer space?
A: Moonday!
Why can't orphans play baseball, because they don't know were home is
Poke diver 1 sucks!
Sometimes I get jealous when my phone dies.
Why do heterosexual men and women that are married in France only perform anilingus on each other in their bedrooms?
Anal sex and oral sex is against the law in France.
Why does Oscar Field have no friends? Because he spends time on his fields.
So I told my sister, "Want [to] hear some jokes?" and she was like, "Hit me with [your] best shot, fire away," and I was like, "Okay, I know [you're] singing an old song, yeah I was trying to see if [you] sing too," and I said, "Who do [you] think I am, Chris Brown?"
What do cutting boards and a suicidal teen's wrist have in common?
They both have cutting marks.
What’s the difference between a thief and a pervert?
One will snatch your watch, the other will watch your snatch.
What is the biggest butt in the world?
The bottom of the ocean.
What do you call a group of white people running down a hill?
An avalanche.
