Worst Jokes Ever
I just got off the phone with Kristen Stewart yesterday. She said I was invited to her cookout this Friday. I said I'll come by and bring some drinks, like wine, beer, and liquor, so we can get our freak on all night and drink some cherry wine until daybreak ends.
Why did Kristen Stewart fart on the set of Charlie's Angels? Because she ate too much damn chili for breakfast I made for her. I just forgot to put my foot in it.
Where does Kristen Stewart get her virginity from? She gets it from her mama and papa.
The other day this duck came by the gas station. He asked the cashier, "Do you have any duck food here?"
The cashier said, "Hell naw, I got no damn duck food. This the gas station, not no damn swamp, and I ain't ya mama."
Then the duck asked him two more times, and then the cashier said, "For the last time, no, I don't have any duck food here for you, ok? If you ask me again, I will put you in the oven and deep-fry you like Kentucky Fried Chicken."
What is a duck's favorite drink to sip on? Duck wine.
I have a taste for some roast duck until the feathers will pop right out and say, "Quack, quack."
There is an upside to being an orphan.
Every bag of chips is family size.
Why can't an orphan be a bully? Because they don't have parents.
How do you know your sister is on her period? Your dad's c**k tastes like s**t!
Why do people not adhere to the corona measures?
Because they hate their lives and want to die.
Why can orphans go to Thacker Jewelry?
They love to see the whole family.
So, an orphan walked into a store. He gets lost and the store clerk asked, "Do you need help finding your parent?" and the orphan ran out crying.
What do you say to a depressed person?
"I like ya cut, G."
Why does an orphan play GTA?
To get wanted.
What did a cannibal have as his last meal?
Five guys.
DAD: I'm bringing your toys to the orphanage.
SON: Why?
DAD: You're going to need them.
Can a cook and clean for real? No, I do not want no rabbit hare in my house.
Where do rabbits sleep?
In the junkyard outside.
You know why Elmer Fudd always came out hunting rabbits in the woods? Because Bugs Bunny would not stop flirting with his girlfriend.
Are you having rabbit and duck for dinner?
Yeah.
Why?
Because I got too obsessed with hares.