Hellen Keller walked into a bar... then a table... then a chair.
I've always been suicidal. Some might say, "Why haven't I actually done the act?" I'll just say, well, I hate myself too much so I thought I'd stay around for the punishment of staying alive.
How sad and pathetic is it that all you wait for after you finish a suicidal joke is for people to like your joke, but you know you'll just be a failure at that as well?
What's one thing you'll never find in lost and found?
Your dad.
Why do emos like yo-yo's? Cos they get strangled by the string.
What's the worst thing about committing suicide? You can only do it once.
What's the only regret you would have when you eventually kill yourself? It wasn't sooner.
I've got an impressive record at Russian roulette. Retired after one loss ever.
Few jokes (sorry if they have already been used).
1 I couldn't figure out why the baseball kept getting bigger. Then it hit me.
2 Why does Humpty Dumpty love autumn? Because he always has a great fall.
3 Have you heard the one about the skunk? Never mind, it really stinks.
4 It's always windy in a sports arena. All those fans.
5 What is the best day to go to the beach? Sunday, of course!
6 Comic Sans walks into a bar. The bartender says, "We don't serve your type here."
7 What's the easiest way to get straight As? Use a ruler.
8 Why were they called the Dark Ages? Because there were lots of knights.
My friend was in a wheelchair, so I rolled him in fire. Now I call him Hot Wheels.
Yo mama so stupid that she had an appointment with Dr. Pepper.
It's all fun and games until someone fails at becoming Superman.
Why do people want to jump off buildings?
Because they want to become Superman.
What do you call someone who wants to jump off a building?
Cause they want to become Super Man.
Why don’t orphans have parents?
'Cause they were abandoned.
What do you call an orphan's home?
No home.
Your forehead is so big you could have put an H for Kobe to land on.
Why would an orphan kill his family? Because they weren't there.
Why were the Twin Towers upset? They ordered Domino's but got jets.
What can fly underwater?
A mosquito in a submarine.
What kind of hair do oceans have? Wavy.
