I would name my dog "Five Miles" so I could say I walk five miles every day, but today I ran over Five Miles.
Why can't orphans have iPhones?
Because they can't find the home button.
What do orphans call a holiday?
A bit of soil and some leaves as a blanket.
Why were ET's eyes so big?
Because he saw the phone bill.
How do you fix a broken gorilla?
With a monkey wrench.
My dad said people shouldn’t get ribbons just for participating because it rewards them for losing.
So I took down his confederate flag.
Define abnormal life.
Waking up every day living a sane life!
I've sadly received a rejection letter from NASA. Strangely, it says there's no space on their training program.
The people at 9/11 must have been able to read fast. If I explain it, it won't be funny. This is an old joke my friend told me.
I have a joke about lazy people!
Actually... forget it... it won't work.
Why can’t orphans have sex?
They have no one to call “daddy.”
What’s the difference between apples and orphans?
Apples get picked!
You're as useless as Stevie Wonder's eyes!
I told this knock knock joke to Helen Keller...
Me: Knock Knock
Her:
Why doesn’t Helen Keller go to the optometrist?
Because she’s dead.
Why doesn’t Helen Keller go to the beach?
Because she can’t hear the sea.
I wrote a joke on MH370... but I don’t know where it went.
Pooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooop! Hahahahhaha!
Hiiiiiiiihihihi.
Why did the question come to life? Answer: The adding, subtracting, times, dividing by, and equals signs came to life and squished pages.
