When does a kid become an orphan?
When the parents leave.
Want to hear the worst joke ever? Then look in a mirror.
The US Navy Atlantic Fleet is closing in on the North American shores. Suddenly a blip on the radar appears and the radio starts crackling:
"Hello, please divert to 5° East to avoid collision. Thank you."
The commander starts answering:
"No, you divert 5° West to avoid collision. Over!"
"Sorry, sir, you are the one who should divert to 5° East! Over!"
"Listen to me, you asshole! We are the USS Washington, and we have an entire fleet at our disposal, and be sure we'll use all means necessary to keep ourselves safe!"
After a moment of silence, the radio crackled again:
"In case you still haven't figured out, we can't move BECAUSE THIS IS A LIGHTHOUSE!"
Your mama is so stupid, she made an appointment with Dr. Pepper.
When she says "parents aren't home" so you rush upstairs.
New teacher: Everyone stand up if you think you are stupid.
Student: Stands up.
Teacher: Why did you stand up?
Student: I hate seeing you stand up there by yourself.
Why can't orphans play poker?
Because they don't know what a full house is.
All these jokes are plane wrong. My uncle died in 9/11. At least he died doing what he loved, flying planes.
You're so ugly your mom said, "I want an abortion."
Thomas Montgomery would eat his fillet of fish in bed every night. He had fillet of fish bedding and everything. His roommates always asked him, "Why are you eating your fillet of fish in bed?" He wouldn't reply.
His family took him to the best psychologist in the field. Thomas continued emptying his bank account on fillet of fish to eat in bed. His friend said one day, took a picture of Thomas and told him to say cheese. They laughed and went there separate ways. Then in bed that night, Thomas kept on thinking to himself, "I never said cheese before someone snapped my picture." He repeated it again. The next day he thanked his friend, "Fillet in him feel better."
What is an orphan's favorite store?
Home Depot.
Teacher: At the end of this ruler is an idiot.
Student: Which end?
Yo mama so fat, when she ordered a water bed they gave her the Pacific Ocean.
Why can't orphans become YouTubers?
They don't have electricity!
What is yellow and can't swim?
A bus full of orphans.
Why can't the skeleton go to the dance?
Because he has "no body" to go with!
Why can't dwarfs be depressed?
Because they are compressed.
Why does the Flash eat ostriches? Because he likes fast food.
So my friend died. I was at her casket. I said I'll see you on the other side, so I went to the other side of the casket.
Why can't orphans play baseball?
Because they can't find home.
