Worst Jokes Ever

I saw a kid crying today. I asked him where his parents were.

I love working at an orphanage.

My name is Myria, my right nut.

So last night I went on a taxi and I showed them your photo. All they said was I could ride him, it would be expensive though, since from his eyebrows to hairline is at least £100.

How does a cannibal like his meat?

Human.

Why can’t orphans play catch?

They never had a dad to teach them.

Somebody shouts "Fire!"

Man 1: Get the children out!

Man 2: F*** the children!

Man 3: We don't have time!

Therapist: What do you want to do when you grow up?

Me: Oh, I wan-

Therapist: Don’t say to be dead.

Me: Well, I want to be an entrepreneur. I want to sell land, pencils, oh yeah. I also want to sell farm.

Why shouldn't you let a Chinese person play baseball?

'Cause they'll eat the bat!

What is the difference between an orphan and an apple?

Apples get picked.

What do you call a blank piece of paper?

Women's rights.

brb makin' tic tac toe boards on myself.

Your mom is so small that she can fit in the luggage.

Yo mama is so fat, she can’t even fit in the suitcase.

Yo mama so fat, that’s why people don’t want to marry her, except for fat guys.

Your mama so fat that’s why Hulk gets big.

Yo mama so fat that the Avengers team had to snap five times and say, "Oh my God!"

A guy walks into a bar with a .44 magnum and yells: "Who the fuck fucked my wife?"

Everybody is silent for a second, then the bartender said: "Mate, you ain't got enough bullets!"

Why did the frog cross the road to hop to his side, Bih?

I have no problem getting dates online. I’ve also had luck with almonds, cashews, and walnuts.

For our anniversary, I gave my girlfriend a picture of me inside a pistachio.

But that’s just me in a nutshell.