Worst Jokes Ever
Why can't I get a girlfriend?
Because I'm a beta male simp.
Why didn't R. Kelly go to Germany to fuck teens? The legal age there is 14...Like bro hop on a plane and fuck a 14 year old hooker!
What makes jokes because it's lonely and a complete and utter loser?
This guy, yep, this guy right here.
How do you f**k a sheep?
Put your d**k in it and face it off the cliff edge. It'll keep going backwards as you push forwards.
What hates socialism but still uses roads, police, and says they support the military?
Dumb right wingers.
What moans about women but wouldn't exist without them? A triggered menimist.
What hates men but would have no life without men?
A triggered feminist.
Why are there no Jamaicans on the moon?
Because there's no space jam.
What has two legs, two arms, one dead and covered in red?
My ex-wife.
What has two wheels and goes really fast?
A vegetable down a hill.
What do you call a lesbian on a bike?
A dyke...
I'm not transphobic. I just want transparency...
What do you call a disabled person drowning?
A boat.
What do you call a Taliban in a bath bomb?
What do you call a wheelchair user in a fire?
Hot Wheels.
I think democracy is a scam. I love men and I love you. I love men and I love you. I love my dog. He won't sleep inside and I shitted my pants. I peed my pants. I smell bad. I took a shower and my dog was like, "Oh my god." I was like, "Oh." I was like, "Oh my god," and then I was like, "I shitted again" and he was like, "Bark bark," cause he's a dog. Thanks for listening.
What happens when Stephen Hawking wakes up from his sleep?
"Log in."
When is a cold not a cold?
Little Johnny went on a camping trip. All the tents were taken, so he shared with the teacher. So Little Johnny says: "Can I play with your bellybutton? My mom always lets me when we camp." So the teacher says: "Sure." 5 minutes later the teacher says: "Woah, woah, woah that's not my bellybutton!" Little Johnny says: "Woah, woah, woah, that's not my finger."
Did you know the Bible has a passage about killing babies by smashing them against rocks?
That's probably because microwaves hadn't been invented yet.