Why cant orphans play baseball? cause they cant get a home run
Kobe never missed a shot, but he missed the helipad.
I'm going to hell!
Why is hitler a hjhjfbfhf because he’s hitler
One day, Little Johnny came home with his girlfriend and told his dad, "We're gonna go to my room and do some homework." His dad said okay. Five minutes later, Little Johnny's dad heard noises coming from his room, so he went to go see what it was, and all he heard was, "Baby, baby, oh, baby, baby, oh." Little Johnny's dad started banging on the door and said, "Little Johnny, what are you doing in there?" Then Little Johnny said, "Dad, we're just having sex." Then Little Johnny's dad said, "Oh, I thought you were listening to some Justin Bieber up in here."
How to kick a deaf person off the plane:
Step 1: Pretend to yell and get some friends to do it, too.
Step 2: Tell your friends to raise both of their hands.
Step 3: He's out of the plane on a parachute.
Rapist: Rape doesn't hurt anybody.
Victim: (Implied response indicating the rapist is wrong)
What does a man masturbating and a mayo bottle have in common?
They can both squirt out their cum.
The Twin Towers are just like genders, There used to be two but now it's a sensitive topic
Yo mama so stupid, you could not even be born because of her idioticness.
One day a man dies and goes to heaven. He gets there and sees a bunch of clocks. He asks Jesus, "Hey, what are the clocks for?" Jesus replies, "They move every time you sin." "This is Mother Teresa's, it has not moved so she has not sinned." "This one is Abraham Lincoln's, it has moved twice so he sinned twice." The man asks, "Where is Joe Biden's?" Jesus replies, "It's in my office-- I'm using it as a ceiling fan."
roses are red, violets are blue, the stonks are high and so are you.
Where does Hitler look first when he loses something? The attic.
Mirrors don't lie, and lucky for you, they don't laugh.
If laughter is the best medicine, your face must be curing the world.
School was fun, but it was hard, almost like riding a bike that’s on fire and the grounds on fire and everything’s on fire because it’s hell.
My friend said they were going to make a comeback. I told them to do it at the back of the throat.
How can you tell that a website was made by an orphan?
It doesn’t have a home page.
You're so fat that when you got on the scales, they said, "I need your weight, not your phone number!"
I’ll never forget the first time we met, but I’ll keep trying.
Light travels faster than sound, which is why you seemed bright until you spoke.
