Worst Jokes Ever
I tried to rape Amy Winehouse, but she said, "No! No! No!"
"Now buzz off" - Explain Bear
So, I was in the woods the other day raping this woman when she screamed, 'Please! Think of my children!'
I thought, 'Ooo, you kinky bitch.'
Inside a room full of squares, buckets, and tints, there are two inspectors. One is called Mr. Right, the other one is called Mr. Wrong. Because of their names, the first one is trusted more than the second one.
Mr. Wrong eventually got tired of that and worked on a plan for how more people could trust him. He took a jigsaw and he started to cut into his brain and sawed away half of his brain. It was still working.
Then he took a loaf of toast, cut it into half and glued it on his head, and then he made a strawberry cream and sprayed it on the toast. Because people couldn't recognize him as "Mr. Wrong," he was able to solve more cases.
What's the difference between a normal person's funeral and a person with polio?
The pose!
What's the difference between a Corvette and a pile of dead babies?
I don't have a Corvette in my garage.
Say what you want about Jeffrey Epstein, but at least he knew how to take out the trash.
What does a physicist call it when a suicidal person is high up? Potential energy.
Why didn't Michael Jackson get away with messaging with kids? Because they were all juveniles.
Why are orphans so bad at baseball?
Because they don’t know what a home looks like.
The only thing funnier than the shooting of that healthcare CEO is imagining the look on his wife's face when she got the hospital bill.
What goes up but never comes down? Your age. You have probably heard this joke before.
Did you hear about the lesbians who are suing their contractor?
He used nails when they wanted tongue and groove.
Why did the straight white caucasian male cross the road?
Because a black person was approaching.
My doctor told me I had Alzheimer’s.
I said to him, “I don’t remember asking.”
Why is pounding your mom like playing video games?
Because once you start, you just can’t stop until you win!
I’d pound your mom so fast, even Sonic would get jealous!
I'm so jealous of babies with anencephaly.
They can eat all the ice cream they want and never get brain freezes.
I've had conversations with many people. Some of them were drier than my dad's ashes.
What has four legs and one arm?
A Rottweiler in a children’s playground.