What’s the last thing Tickle Me Elmo receives before leaving the factory?
Two test tickles.
Why does Santa Claus have such a big sack?
He only comes once a year.
I didn't come into the prostitution business...
It came into me.
The other day I started watching Game of Thrones.
I told my friend about it. Told him all about the violence, murder, decapitation, gore, sex, gay sex, midget sex, prostitution, rape, paedophilia, incest, and inbreeding... And he was like: "Oh, so you're still on the first episode then?"
What's the main similarity between an elementary school math class and the USA?
The class divides.
What is Instagram called in USA?
Instaounce.
If you ever feel useless... Just remember that if you ever feel useless... Just remember that it took the US 4 presidents, trillions of dollars, thousands of lives, and 20 years to replace the Taliban with... the Taliban.
A guy runs into a bar and yells, “Quick! How tall is a penguin?”
The bartender says, “Three feet tall.”
The guy says, “Oh my God! I just ran over a nun!”
Your hairline is still missing even Dora can’t explore it
A fat man meets a skinny man.
The fat man tells the skinny man: "When people look at you, they think the world's starving to death."
And the skinny man responds: "When they look at you, they know why."
I cannot believe no one's come up with a cure for anorexia yet. I thought it would be a piece of cake!
God loved you so much that He gave you one face and started clearing off a place for another.
Your forehead is so big, I bet your dreams are in IMAX.
If Jesus was real, they wouldn’t call it the crucifixion. They would call it crucifact.
What kind of car does Jesus drive?
A Christler.
Whoever Stole My Anti-Depression Medications I Hope You're Happy!
What's the difference between depression and your ex?
Depression fucks you harder.
What do EMO kids use as birth control? Their Personalities.
If I'm holding a cricket ball in each hand, what do I have?
A really fucking huge cricket.
What type of pizza did the twin towers order?
Plain.
