I downloaded Fruit Ninja so I can cut fruit instead of myself.
Once when I was 6, I had a massive crush on a girl in my grade. She liked me too, and we kissed under a tree.
Next day, same spot, but now she's pregnant. That stupid dad stole my girl!
A baby penguin sat on an iceberg. The baby penguin watched the Titanic sink.
Moto Moto, stop giving the baby your d*ck!
Heh, stupid orphan.
Good Lord, any tips on how to kidnap children? I say, "Free candy," and they run.
I was at the beach today, and there was a big wave.
Somebody went, "Damn, that crashed harder than the Twin Towers." Jack may have survived the towers, but not the crash.
After the school shooting, Joe pretended to be a victim while his sister ate the flesh of the fallen.
What do dark humor and food have in common?
Some get it, some don't.
I decided today that I was going to do something with my life, something amazing, and I decided to punch a homeless man.
To anyone suffering from low self esteem:
https://www.youtube.com/shorts/UTymDoPOEnY
What's a native chick say after sex?
"Get off me, Dad, you're crushing my smokes!"
What's long, hard, and bloody?
The Boston Marathon.
Twin Towers, more like dead towers.
The Golden State? More like your mum's state...
Orphans are banned in Alabama.
Timmy: Stupid motherfucker.
Jimmy: Wow, do you kiss your mother with that mouth?
Timmy: *starts crying*
Jimmy: Ah fuck, I did it again.
Did you see that car crash today where the guy got the entire left side of his body cut off?
He's all right now.
My friend was feeling low today, so I went up to her and said, "You know, I would hang in there if I was you, swaying through life." I don't think she likes me now.
How do you make an orphan's hands bleed?
You tell it to clap until his/her parents are back.
