Worst Jokes Ever
I’ve just discovered that cock fighting is done with chickens.
12 months of training completely wasted.
An Ob-Gyn asks a lady to put her feet up on the stirrups.
Doctor: My God, you have the biggest vagina I’ve ever seen!
Woman: You don’t have to say that twice.
Doctor: I didn’t.
Q. What's the difference between an abortion clinic and a nursery? A. The abortion clinic won't let you take the baby home.
I almost got caught trying to steal a board game yesterday.
It was a Risk I was willing to take.
What does every pirate hate?
A small chest with no booty.
If I make you breakfast in bed, a simple 'thank you' is all I need.
Not all this 'How did you get in my house?' business.
My wife treats me like God!
She takes no notice of my existence until she wants something.
If a stork brings white babies, and a blackbird black babies, what bird brings no babies?
A swallow.
A physicist sees a young man about to jump off the Empire State Building.
He yells, "Don't do it! You have so much potential!"
Why do teenage girls hang out in odd-numbered groups?
Because they can't even.
Job interview: "What's your greatest weakness?"
"Honesty."
"I don't think honesty is a weakness."
"I don't give a fuck what you think."
She said she wanted me to treat her like a dishwasher. So I loaded her up, ran her through a rough cycle, and left her wet and broken on the floor.
You know how 6 was afraid of 7 because 7 8 9?
Well, how do you think 10 feels being in the middle of 9 11?
What did a man say to his boy?
You are my son.
What show would have made Michael Jackson a superstar for television? To Catch a Predator, for obvious reasons.
What pronouns does Michael Jackson use? Hee/hee.
What disease do you get from shoving a dirty, rusty piece of metal up your ass? Tetanus.
Who is the new heterosexual Michael Joseph Jackson (pedophile)?
R. Kelly.
My Son: "Mummy, why is my name Thomas?"
Me: "Because the night you were conceived, I had a train run on me."
Roses are red, violets are blue.
My heart is dead.
I’m such a fool.
Why did I fall for you?